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HELLO. WE BRING YOU GOOD NEWS.

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Hi. We represent the Church of Latter Day Saints. Can we have a word with you about--no, ma'am,it's about football. And perhaps God, but really football.

See, some sailors might come by later. Real sailors from the Navy. They, like all of us, are God's children, but you see...they're dirty. Filthy. Icky. They would use hand sanitizer, but the alcohol in it gets them distracted. You can put signs on hand sanitizer saying it's not melted jello shot, but no one says they'll read it and not just drink it anyway.

Also, you just invited us in, possibly. So we should probably get to know each other. We'll get along fine. After all, we both love Temple! Ahahaha, get it? See, we're buddies already, Big East. (Even if we're not sure about this whole thing yet, really.)