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Important: he never said a loss "on the football field." Who just burned your house down, Mark Richt? Where will you sleep noww--and that's not your house. Well, it scorched your azaleas, and you just remember that, okay? You remember the bastard who scorched your precious landscaping. [peels out in Charlie Weis' old golf cart] (via, via)

NO ONE IS SAFE. Chip Brown will now just bleed out one insane rumor at a time until realignment happens, both because he has interesting sources, and also because subscriptions don't sell themselves, sir. Of note in the probable insanity column today: Georgia Tech has reached out to the Big 12 now that the ACC is taking on water. This is totally plausible, unlike the improbable insanity of the ACC allegedly turning down overtures of Texas, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, and Oklahoma State. You didn't read this, John Swofford cannot possibly be that stupid, and there's no way a pilot would let their son fly a commercial plane full of passengers.

RIP, SHORTLIVED DESCRIPTOR "PERSASTRONG." Dan Persa, one in a long line of crafty, overachieving Northwestern quarterbacks, may not lay again after doctors determined he would need a second surgery on his extremely borked Achilles tendon. We scarcely knew ye,

SO NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AT MONTANA. Though we would love to see a football coach at a major FBS school attempt to "contextualize" a player biting a woman by showing pictures of said bite to reporters, as Robin Pflugrad did in MIssoula.

THERE WAS NOTHING AVERAGE ABOUT PORK CHOP WOMACK. Billy put together a list of the SEC's most average players, and we strenuously object to the inclusion of anyone named after a delicious cut of meat.

PLEASE DON'T NEGLECT THE SUNBEAST. The Sun Belt will announce expansion today, possibly expanding the empire to include beautiful Eagle Creek.

ETC: Bill Murray, just rappin' about tangelos. When Adam Jacobi goes out with his "friends," he means all of them, even the parrot. NFL players really don't give two shits if you're gay or not as long as you just please for the love of god block that horrible man across from you, okay?