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A SCENE FROM CITIZEN DELANY

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A huge mansion. The wind rattles huge windows. A fire burns in an inhumanly large fireplace. A man lies on a bed. His bald head rests on pillows made from sewn-together domestic beer cartons.

He receives a text suggesting a sensible playoff scenario. A frown crosses his face. He texts back "NO" without elaboration. The man is tired. In his hand, a snowglobe glows in the firelight.

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Citizen Delany: "ROOOOOOOOOOOSEBOWWWWWWLLLLLLL"

He then drops the snowglobe. It rolls down one carpeted step, then another. It hits the floor, and it explodes, leaking ROTEL Cheese Dip all over the floor.

--Excerpt from the classic Citizen Delany: A Story That Is Just As Good An Explanation Of Whatever The Hell The Big Ten Is Doing To Shoehorn The Bowl System Into A Playoff At All Costs As Any You'd Care To Come Up With. The film was particularly controversial, most especially for the scene of an elephant trampling a real wolverine to death for sixty minutes that followed the legendary snowglobe sequence. Are we saying Jim Delany had a sled called The Rose Bowl he used to ride around as a child in the only happy moments of his life? No: Jim Delany has never been happy.