A student staffer: We're live. Here's coach.
Assistant coach/moderator: Alright, we would like to welcome you to our Google Hangout with Coach Skip Holtz. Coach, you settled in okay?
Skip Holtz: I'm great, how's everybody doing today?
Thanks for your time today, coach. We have some great questions. So we'll get right to it. This is a lot more than a conversation than a press conference, so guys, feel free to speak up if you have something to add as Coach Holtz goes through his comments and everything. This is going to be very relaxed and conversational. Travis, you're on deck here first, so fire away:
TravisUSFNo1: Hey Coach, I just wanna know, what do you think about USF's chances to win the Big East next season?
Skip Holtz: Well, I think we've got a great young team that's got some real fight in them. Can't wait to strap on the helmets and see who comes out on top! Thanks, Travis!
Assistant coach/moderator: Alright. Next up we've got Mi--
BroLimitSoldier69: 98 ROCK AM I CALLER NUMBER 12?!?
Skip Holtz: Hi, son. I'm not sure I understand your question.
BroLimitSoldier69: YO OLD DUDE DID I WIN THE TWO TICKETS TO SEE PAPA ROACH NEXT WEEKEND OR NOT?
Skip Holtz: Is that some kind of marijuana cigarette?
***BroLimitSoldier69 has disconnected***
Assistant coach/moderator: Well... Sorry about that, coach. Remember, let's do our best to stay on point, guys. Okay, next up we've got a real doozy we've go--
ThugMarronePopzCapz: yo coach im a big local fan nahmean one love cristal big east siiiiide
ThugMarronePopzCapz: heard u did some gangster stuff to keep some recruits from syrasnooze lol sucka
ThugMarronePopzCapz: u gotsta talk on that, son
Skip Holtz: I like your candor! Where was it you said you're from, Mr. Capz?
ThugMarronePopzCapz: uh i live right by the strip mall with the bealls n shit
Skip Holtz: The one with the nice Italian restaurant?
ThugMarronePopzCapz: yeah yeah, feel me?
Skip Holtz: That was a trick question, Douglas. There are no nice restaurants in Tampa. See you at Media Days. Hahah.
Assistant coach/moderator: Now c'mon guys. Let's be fair to Coach Holtz. He's taking his personal time on what ordinarily is a real busy day. Please no more interruptions. Now we've got Daniel up and Daniel had a real humdinger of a question. Go ahead Danie--
HerbertYarbroughTheYounger: Kind sir, you must help me escape this monstrous bondage, much as you aided my brother-in-arms, the good Aaron Lynch!
Skip Holtz: Dammit, how do these Notre Dame kids keep getting in touch with me? I don't even speak telegraph!
HerbertYarbroughTheYounger: I was lured to this fate by a cru-el robber baron with promises of all the exotic fruits and luxury seltzers I could dream of! But it is not so - no, far from it. We are forced to labour for hours, our only reward hardtack and a two point win over the College of Boston.
Skip Holtz: Look, there are NCAA transfer rules I have to follow - I can't just kidnap you like some damned Soviet defecting from East Berlin.
Assistant coach/moderator: Well, fellas. I don't know what to say. This has been a complete waste of the Coach's very valuable time. We've only got time for one more, and heck, I'm just going to let whoever wants to speak up have the honors.
BroLimitSoldier69: BREANNA LEE, YOU STUPID BITCH. IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS? AGAIN? WHO YOU BEEN CREEPING WITH AT SCARLET'S?! I SWEAR TO GOD IF IT'S THAT CHUCK LIDDELL LOOKING BOUNCER TODD...
***Assistant coach/moderator has disconnected***
***Skip Holtz has disconnected***