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TING TING! Pengyou, listen carefully to the sounds of five thousand years of tradition.

Have only watched this 12 times in the past 24 hours please help stop it just won't stop making us hit the replay button. The parallels between China and Michigan football are now so clear to us, and that we did not notice it before is a painful failing on our part. Then again, genius like Catlab does specialize in revealing the painfully obvious in brilliant ways, so we shouldn't feel too bad about missing the link. THE YOST DYNASTY WAS A TIME OF GREAT DYNASTIC PROGRESS AND INTERNAL HARMONY STABILITY FOR MICHIGAN PEOPLE.

HE CAN GO PLAY WITH THE POORS IN FLORIDA BECAUSE HE CLEARLY LACKS CHARACTER HARUMPH HARUMPH. Aaron Lynch, prize Notre Dame DE and a genuine rush threat off the edge, will likely return to the state of Florida after deciding to transfer from South Bend. Lynch's story is a long, convoluted one, but in short: allegedly has girlfriend in Florida, Florida is a long way from Indiana, and mom is less than happy living in the Midwest. USF is the likely frontrunner for his services.

Good news for ND fans? Um...Bob Davie's going to take it in the shorts, guys! Hard! And often! High-five!

ACTUAL FOOTBALL. There is a shitload of it this weekend, and a good bit of it can be watched from the comfort of your laptop on ESPN3. When perusing your selections, steer away from Georgia's spring game because it is usually boring, but may be especially so this year thanks to some issues on the O-line and little trouble on the defensive side of the ball. One reason you may want to watch? The real possibility of a goat wandering onto the field.

THE HAMPTON INN BETTER HAVE A NICE WHITEBOARD AND GOOD CELLPHONE RECEPTION. Petrino's house is up for sale, or at least "a house that Bobby Petrino used to live in," since he may have moved out to "downsize" before the scandal even happened. The exiled text enthusiast will contest nothing in his firing, and is probably at a local Hampton Inn plotting his next move. (The Hampton Inn: comfortable quarters for divorced men at reasonable prices.) Some of his texts have been released, and they are sort of sad and panicky as expected.

NOOOOOOOO. In the multiple plans to expand and rehab Kyle Field, demolition is an option, which would be a shame for both the classic layout of the stadium and for the cheerful, mosquito-devouring bat population living within its walls. This is one option, and it is not at all photoshopped whatsoever. (via.)

COACHFLUFF. Well, almost entirely coachfluff, but this is an interesting quote from Brent Pease on the "Boise offense."

Q: You had a prolific offense at Boise State last season with a lot of talent to run your scheme. Is the talent in place here to run what you want right away?

A: Oh yeah, we've got as much talent. No doubt about that. You can't take what we did at Boise and bring it all here because that's a 10- or 11-year cycle of information.

Stability does some pretty astonishing things. That'd be nice to have, guys! Love, us.

INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM AT ITS FINEST. Rock M Nation looks into the new Mizzou uniforms and discovers that there is indeed no "gray," but bit of "anthracite," which is like TOTALLY different if you're not a guy who only sees seven or eight colors. <------you, and us, and most dudes.

IS OREGON PLUG AND PLAY AT THIS POINT? George Schroeder asks, and the answer is at this point yes, they are just a machine parts go into without fuss or interruption. In a piece on the return of the no-huddle to the NFL, Chris Brown has one answer as to why: practice, practice, practice.

ETC: Rob Delaney loves food in the manner banned by most civil and criminal codes. Yesterday was a glorious day on the internet, so let's carry it into Friday. Guys making music in L.A. in the '70s were weird, weird people. AWWWW PUPPY. Volcanos are so versatile and friendly. Exercise makes you smarter, but sort of more likely to be a crackhead, too. Longass but magnificent reading from Outside.