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OBLIGATORY STEVE SPURRIER

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"This fist? Your invisible mother? Got it?"  (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
"This fist? Your invisible mother? Got it?" (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
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The old magic's still there, boyo.There's a quote about Georgia always having players suspended, sure, and the requisite talking about how and when he'll leave coaching. Those ruminations on when he'll leave always give him the same look in his eye. It is a distant, wistful look.

You might think he's looking at a vision of him leaving the field victorious, but it isn't. At this moment, Spurrier is envisioning himself throwing seven TDs against Georgia in the fourth quarter shirtless, and most likely while holding a cold Coors. The clock expires, and Spurrier turns, grabs a driver from his bag, and fires a drive into the Georgia sidelines. It breaks Ray Goff's teeth like frail old house windows, and a stunned Goff chews them and exclaims "CHICLETS! YUM!"

The OBC tips his visor and teleports to Augusta National, which is empty and reserved just for him forever.

The choice piece of barbing, though, is proof Steve Spurrier has never cared, does not currently care, and will not start caring in the immediate future:

His thoughts on Nick Saban and what he’s done at Alabama.

"He’s got a nice little gig going, a little bit like (John) Calipari. He tells guys, ‘Hey, three years from now, you’re going to be a first-round pick and go.’ If he wants to be the greatest coach or one of the greatest coaches in college football, to me, he has to go somewhere besides Alabama and win, because they’ve always won there at Alabama."

He could keep going, but he doesn't have to because he just called Nick Saban the name of the sleaziest, most successful coach in college basketball. The bitch-granny of the SEC, still in form, and still fond of doing amazing things like both losing to Iowa by 20 points in a bowl game and then beating Alabama the following year with Stephen Garcia, college football quarterback, at the helm. Pretty funny, Nick. 50 hours in the film room and your boys can't defend the fade, eh?

/calls it 30 more times

/gives awkward fistpound

/probably loses to Vandy or some shit the next week