Occasionally it becomes important to settle some of the more pressing matters in life. For example, is it 'coke', soda, or pop? Which Don Draper paramore/side squeeze reigns supreme? And of course, what is the legal blood Doritos Locos Tacos limit in the state of Utah?
Today, EDSBS Labs looks at a critical, divisive issue tearing apart dinner tables across the country and seeks to answer once and for all: who is more 'alt', Washington State's Mike Leach or Alabama's Nick Saban?
Mike Leach
Pros:
-Keeps an animatronic skeleton in his office.
-Only really loves music on vinyl and cassette from the 70's and 80's.
-Uses a law degree for something else that doesn't involve schilling Duckhead branded paraphernalia.
-Is from a small town you haven't heard of yet (so 'alt').
-Ran a collective that used obscure structures and interchangeable front men to achieve great results with low budget.
-Pissed off the man just by 'doing him'.
-Rollerblades (so awkward) (so retro).
-Reverse reverse reverse reverse reverse ironically lived in Key West; car free lifestyle, bromigo.
-Has been a hoodie advocate long before it became a popular social statement to make:
-Wants a 64 team post-season tournament so all those buzz worthy underground teams can get some exposure.
-Totally knows that guy who did the critically acclaimed TV series, "Friday Night Lights".
-Is revered as a genius, but has never 'sold out" with championship waves.
-Collab'd with fellow 'alt' coaches Mark Mangino, Hall Mumme, and Dana Holgorsen.
Cons:
-Went to BYU (so unchill, BB).
-Totally was *in* the critically acclaimed TV series, "Friday Night Lights".
-His offense is now 'popular' and has crossed over into the mainstream.
-Left his Iowa Wesleyan roots in the dust for the bright lights of big cities like Lubbock and Pullman.
-Is not as counter mainstream as uber-alt waver, Hal Mumme.
Nick Saban
Pros:
-Wears only the most 'rlvnt' frames.
-Was on the Bill Belichick-led Browns coaching staff (aka the Uncle Tupelo of coaching staffs).
-Offered and signed indie icon A.J. McCaron.
-Secretive. Doesn't do many interviews.
-Says and does whatever he wants with no regard for how people perceive him.
-Critics are terrified of him (extremely alt).
-Like most hipsters, failed to enjoy himself in Miami.
-Is all about "process", which we're pretty sure is something vegans say a lot.
-Left a job with next to no notice after what most in the profession would consider an inappropriate amount of time.
-Committed to an entirely 'post-fun' lifestyle.
-Has a lake house just like Washed Out.
-Clearly into "wankcore basketball music" your dad probably "boned your mom" to in a James Worthy jersey.
-Drives a fixie because he doesn't have time for gears.
-Eats 2 Little Debbie cakes and a cup of coffee and calls it a meal.
-That mane. That glorious mane:
-Is Croatian by blood.
-Shit all over the honey badger meme after it reached its saturation point.
Cons:
-Loves "processed" things.
-Is fine and all, but Bear Bryant already did what he did like 40 years ago.
-JOHN TESH.
-Talks about keeping his current job for a long period of time.
-Has never heard of Washed Out.
-Lives in a part of the country barren and devoid of alternative fusion food trucks.
-The coffee he drinks with his snack cakes isn't fair trade.
-Once rode the extremely unchill dorkwaves:
-Is Croatian by blood.
-Made people in Austin cry.