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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/3/2012

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TUPAC ACTUALLY DID WRITE THIS ANTICIPATING THE ADVENT OF A 400 POUND HIGH SCHOOL LINEMAN.

Before we talk about how Bret Bielema didn't get this recruit because someone else asked him to attend a university besides Wisconsin, let's just note that hilarity of a 400 pound man-child that can actually sort of move, and that he'll be playing college football for Utah this year without the ironic benefit of Tupac playing behind him.

SO BRET BIELEMA STANDS ASTRIDE HISTORY, SCREAMING STOP. We'll write a little bit more on this in a minute, but seriously, Bret Bielema, just tell Barry Alvarez to let you hire any of the major professional football poachers currently paid six figures to go get recruits for you, and then stop pulling rules from the air to justify getting your ass beat on the recruiting trail. If you cite unwritten rules, you are one of two things: bullshitting, or being so astonishingly passive-aggressive you probably guilt-trip inanimate objects for failing you. The wolf is loose. Get a gun.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT CRIMINAL TYPE THING: There are a lot of things going on in the Fulmer Cup, and they'll all be updated today. Clemson might be in the lead now, but a.) we have to delve into South Carolina's criminal code to be sure, and b.) Fuck Clemson. (tm) (R) (C)

HOOO BOY. You can type anything and put it on the internet, guys!

LOSING TO KENTUCKY WAS A PART OF OUR FOUR YEAR PROCESS OF BECOMING AN EIGHT WIN FOOTBALL TEAM. Derek Dooley is just right there, teetering on that fine edge between "Someone we sort of think knows what he's talking about," and "this person might be making it up as he goes."

POOR BO PELINI. He's just out there, missing Carl, and trying to find new friends to wrestle with in Lincoln.

ETC: The amount of money one might pay for this is inestimable. The Nutless Husband sounds miserable--find football people, and surround yourself with love. Well done, random subway artist. "You don't have anyone on this list who played before 2005."