JOE AYOOB JUST DOES WHAT CAL PEOPLE DO: WEIRD, BIG THINGS. You might remember Joe Ayoob--aka "BOOYA"--for his 0/10 performance versus Sacramento State, or his legendary 5-4 campaign in relief of Nate Longshore, or just for being named "Ayoob" and being part of that scary post-Aaron Rodgers period in Cal QB history when everyone paused and thought, "Well, maybe Jeff Tedford isn't going to ever be close to Pete Carroll-good."
He's not bitter, man. He's playing Arena ball, and doing things that Cal people do. Big things. Weird things. Throwing a paper airplane further than any human being has ever thrown a paper airplane things.
NO-BEL PRIZE! NO-BEL PRIZE! Congratulations for Joe Ayoob for doing the most Cal quarterback thing ever, and for being more fun than Nate Longshore ever was even in his post-college career. (Other Cal people are doing more conventional things like suggesting some NFL position coaches are just cashing checks, but that's a given.)
YES WE SEE THIS AND WE WILL UPDATE LATER TODAY. It's a small but rich sample of Fulmer Cupdates today with an SEC theme, so know that we see both of these stellar incidents, and will be updating this morning. Neither gets anyone close to TCU, but it does put a dent in their lead. (Hint: South Carolina is ideally positioned for a long team effort to reel in the Frogs, especially with their prime location in the low country mayhem belt.)
OH LORD. Just let everyone panic about the future of our unsullied bucolic paradise of a sport*, but yes, consultants are engaged in the valuation process for a BCS playoff, and now we're going to be the NFL HAHAHAH JUST KIDDING WE STILL WON'T PAY PLAYERS AND WILL SKIM THE REST OFF THE TOP. Whew, and we thought our sanctified way of life was under threat!
MORE HORRENDOUS PANICKING. The great indicator that the SEC might not go to nine games with no permanent partners is Ole Miss' Pete Boone thinking what a great idea it is, and when you compare it to the other things Pete Boone believed were good ideas, yeah, you don't want to do it. BIll C has already figured all this out for you. It's free. Take it, SEC. It's all right there.
OFFSEASON PROFILE INDULGENCE. The offseason's first real lull means you get plenty of long profiles because there's little else to do, and that's why you get Kyle Flood's moving life story (because coaches without tragedy in their life make lousy profiles,) and also a nice long S.L. Price story on Baylor's move from being "Baylor" to being "Oh, well, look at you, plucky Baylor." We felt like we'd spent a week in Waco after reading that story, something explaining our desire to never go to Waco after reading that. (It says nothing bad, but seriously, it's a loooong time to be anywhere, even in print.)
DAN MCCARNEY IS A TOUGH BASTARD. No tears during a stroke, and not just because half his body was paralyzed? That's a recruiting pitch, son. "I'll be here. I'll be here and call plays even if half my body goes numb. I've got a track record of telling these things to fuck off with both fingers in the air. No other coach has that. Seriously, check. And Gary Pinkel icing his own kicker does not count, because no one can prove that was a stroke, and not just a random moment of complete insanity."
THAT WENT WELL. For the New England Patriots, who will probably take a flyer on Vontaze Burfict when his draft stock plummets so far they can pick him up for nothing. Then he either responds and they have a steal, or he costs them little and goes on to become the most intermittently feared player in the CFL. ("Man, if he's in the right spot? That one out of eight times? Look out then, dude.")
MIAMI LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE FUN. In an otherwise well-done ACC schedule, Miami got the booty end of the stick.
WHY DO WE HAVE SPRING PRACTICE? Besides sating the unquenchable thirst for more football? The historical answer, provided by Chris Brown.
ETC: WOOOOO TRACK SANITATION NATIONAL CHAMPYUNSHIP. We fell asleep during the final thirty laps of the Daytona 500, but we saw the important part, and that part was 200 gallons of jet fuel blowing up when a car decided to do something awesome against its driver's will. Holgo saw it, too, both in real life and in his sweet, sweet dreams. This is your new worst campus video. There is no competition.
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