[click to embiggen. Via @SEC_Chuck )
SABAN: "Uncle Elbert never went to school like the others. He got a bath when we could track him down. That wasn't often; he was fast as us, and took off into the woods through briars that cut us to ribbons. We didn't have his thick wild hobo skin, nor the touched brain that made this seem like a reasonable way to spend days. He was handsome when we cleaned him up. Real handsome."
SUMLIN: Is a big adorable cat. No, look.
Not like Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat, but like one of those big healthy cats that live behind sushi restaurants and never want any part of that ownership racket.
MUSCHAMP: "I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRAIN! I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRAIN! I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRAIN! I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRAIN! I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRAIN! I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRAIN! I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRAIN! I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRAIN!"
Photographer: [holds up plush Thomas] "Here it is!"
CHIZIK: "Don't move, Slive. This fake arm is a shotgun. I won't do it? I employ Curtis Luper and Trooper Taylor and report to Bobby Lowder. I don't ride with the devil. That bastard's in my trunk with the Angel of Death and we're all going to a nice quiet spot on the edge of Opelika to see who's got their checkbook. You just try it."
SLIVE: Is tiny. Like little lawyer gnome, we say. Is also vampire.
MULLEN: Footie pajamas aren't for everyone, but Starkville's pretty casual. You'd wear them if you could.
FRANKLIN: Is wearing a tiny sheriff's star that reads "Chief, Vanderbilt Sex Police."
RICHT: Butt-dialing recruit as this picture was snapped. "Aw, puppybuttons." [fumbles with consarned cellphone without properly cursing.]
PHILLIPS: "I do not enjoy football. I'm gonna be a science teacher. I love science."
MILES: Dead from boredom. Revived when experienced assistant grabbed banana, answered it like a phone, and yelled "IT'S FOR YOU, LES." This happens seven to eight times a day.
SPURRIER: Having life force drained from him by vampire Slive. Otherwise, relaxing.
Oh my god.
PETRINO: Wearing Kevlar. This isn't his first year in Fayetteville. Pro-style in every facet of the game, that man.
DOOLEY: Has glued his hands to his pants. (Again.)
BONUS WHICH IS EXPECTED BUT STILL A DELIGHT: