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This gun is my new girl, Big East. BYE.   (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)
This gun is my new girl, Big East. BYE. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)
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WEST VIRGINIA HAS A VERY SPECIAL VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT FOR YOU. They're leaving! Immediately, and with no further recourse other than that stack of cash on the table, sweetie, and that's how you celebrate Valentine's day proper-like. Life is short in the holler, so as of today WVU is either "leaving for exciting business opportunities in the Big 12" or has had their "membership terminated" depending on who you ask. Meanwhile, Syracuse and Pitt will do the awkward house-splitting divorce, deigning to stay another year while negotiating an exit plan for 2012.

RANDY EDSALL IS AFRAID OF HOW HE LOOKS IN COMPARISON TO VANDERBILT AND THAT IS JUST YEAH SHIT RUN EVERYONE IT'S ON FIRE. This summarizes Maryland well enough right now, and not just via the Danny O'Brien transfer block Edsall's pulling on the Maryland quarterback.

Including Vanderbilt on this list reflects terribly on Edsall, who can realistically cite no other reason to prevent former players from transferring to the program other than his own fear that, should a former player succeed in the SEC, his tenure will continue to pale in comparison to work Franklin is doing in Nashville.

Yuuuuup. Stop being a dick, Randy Edsall. It's gonna kill your tenure at Maryland before it even really starts.

HAHAHAHAHAA NO THEY DIDN'T. Funny Valentine's Day prank, Auburn. REALLY FUNNY.

FRANK VERDUCCI PLAYED THIS...POORLY. Tim Davis is now the Florida o-line coach, and that's not a bad thing. Davis has good experience, and like all o-line coaches is large, loud, and enthusiastic. He also coached in Utah, so hiring him may get us a step closer to the dream of a mostly Polynesian offensive line. (Believe in the Island Wall Dream. IT MUST HAPPEN.)

Davis replaces Frank Verducci, Charlie Weis' longtime assistant whose offensive lines got John Brantley killed and generated zero push in the run game. He allegedly interviewed with the Chiefs without telling Will Muschamp, was turned down for the job there, and then got fired. So you might say he got his calls wrong, and was blindsided, and now knows how his quarterbacks feel. There's always Kansas, though. They'll hire anyone, evidently.

BOISE GETTIN' SWOLE. New $17 million bond request for Blue Hell improvements? Gotta spruce up for the Big East, or at least someone does, man.

NOOOOOOOOOOO. Best wishes to the deadliest receiver in Auburn history on his recovery from shoulder surgery. Hopefully it wasn't his touchdown-scorin' shoulder, because then he would never catch anything because ALL PHILIP LUTZENKIRCHEN DOES IS CATCH TOUCHDOWNS.

THE DABO SWINNEY FOOTBALL CAMP IS CLOSED. For those of you who planned your entire vacation around this, he is deeply sorry.

ETC: Dan Devine on haters and running. Teddy Roosevelt wants to wish you the saddest Valentine's Day ever. NOOOO NOT YOU CAPTAIN SMOKESTACK.