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35 FOR 35: THE 2012 LITTLE CAESAR'S BOWL

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YOU ATE WHAT WELL NEVER MIND

Kevin C. Cox

The Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl is the coldest, moldiest slice of non-nutritive matter left in the box, but remember: it's still pizza, and you will eat it even if you pull back and find live ants crawling through the crust. Is this a veiled description of one drunken pizza binge in the poverty-est of poverty days, when the author may or may not have done this very thing, and then had a brief conversation like the following?

  • "Are ants poisonous? Answer: USUALLY NOT."
  • "Are ants protein? Answer: HELL YES BRUH, AND LEAN LIKE HORSEMEAT."
  • "Is anyone watching? Answer: NOPE IT'S PIZZA TIME."
  • "Will I remember this when I sober up? UNFORTUNATELY YES BUT SUPERPOWERS."

As always, you may listen in the embedded player below, or click and download here for maximum portability. Don't be poor if you can help it, it's awful and sometimes you eat ants.