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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/19/2012

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Jeff Hanisch-US PRESSWIRE

WHO DOESN'T LIKE DISASTER? Why yes, we would like to discuss how Florida State failed to live up to preseason expectations and lost badly to NC State and Florida.

Man, it's so hard to remember how hyped Logan Thomas was in the preseason, but rely on Virginia Tech to produce an offensive superstar with progression from year to year and you will light precious American currency on fire without flinching.

AND A PROPERLY SPELLED SCANDINAVIAN SHALL LEAD YOU. Gary Andersen is the next coach at Wisconsin, coming off a season where he took lowly Utah State to eleven wins and a dominating victory in the Idaho Potato Bowl. The audition Andersen didn't realize he was having for the job may have come in one of the Aggies' two losses on the year, a near-miss at a home field upset of the Badgers in Madison. If not for a missed field goal, the Badgers would be hiring someone who beat the man who ditched the loving, cologne-scented embrace of Barry Alvarez for the crazed attention of the Arkansas fanbase.

AWWWWW BUDDY. It's going to be delightful when recruits don't have to be dismissed for pot possession.

GRANT TEAFF KEEPS HIS WORMS WARM. If you're tempted to overlook Texas/Baylor as a rivalry, then please remember the time Grant Teaff of Baylor once ate worms to motivate his team to beat the Longhorns. (It makes sense if you like stories about eskimos fishing, or stories that end up with Baylor beating the shit out of Texas.)

AND EACH CHILD WAS GRANTED A SCHOLARSHIP AT FULLBACK. Dan Hawkins just can't stop high-fiving children.

ETC: Gimme daibajizadaaaaahhh, James Hetfield sound board. Did you read this? You really, really should read this.