THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/17/2012

THE FINAL PUZZLE PIECE FALLS INTO PLACE. Florida State seems to have found its latest answer in Alabama secondary coach Jeremy Pruitt, who will probably lead the Seminoles to a national championship next year and an AFC East division title after that. BONUS FACT: He sort of looks like Pete Lembo's stunt double.

DON'T START NO Σκατά WON'T BE NO Σκατά. A Michigan Man is calm, and slow to anger. A Michigan Man respects the rule of law and recognizes legitimate means of questioning one's betters. A Michigan Man treats the Outback Bowl as the time-honored privilege that it is. But a Michigan Punter? A Michigan Punter says fuck your couch.

HE TOOK OUT A PILE OF SHIRTS AND BEGAN THROWING THEM. "They're so Gildan," Daisy sobbed. This is the sort of high-minded bowl analysis you're looking for, and you can find more of it here.

I PROPOSE AN ALTERNATIVE THEORY. Namely, that Bryan Harsin left Texas for Arkansas State because Mack Brown is a carrier for absolutely every infectious disease this planet has ever seen. This makes him a valuable asset for epidemiologists and a dangerous lover.

"THE PIGEON, WHICH DIDN'T ATTEMPT TO FLY AWAY, WAS SCOOPED INTO A BUCKET." That may also be a clumsy metaphor for Terrelle Pryor's first NFL action of 2012, but I'm sure two handoffs, an incomplete pass, and a punt made Old Uncle Sweatervest real proud.

ETC. Last minute holiday gift guide here! Meanwhile, The Undertaker's nephew is still deciding between Iowa and Auburn. HE'S AFTER YOUR BUTT. Boat safety is the only safety we embrace. The animals were later appointed to high-ranking offices.