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Oh, Tubs loved geology. I imagine it appealed to his meticulous nature, and his offensive philosophy of dropping a heavy thing on something repeatedly until it breaks. An ice age here, million years of mountain building there. Geology is the study of pressure and time. That's all it takes really, pressure, and time, and Jimmy Sexton kidnapping children and threatening their parents if they didn't raise a buyout and do it quick.

That, and a big goddamn poster of something he called a binturong.

Like I said, in Lubbock, a man will do most anything to keep his mind occupied.

Tubs did like he was told, buffed those wins over Texas States and such to a high mirror shine. The administration simply didn't notice. Neither did I... I mean, seriously, how often do you really look at a man's out-of-conference schedule? Tubs crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or what you might call...chili.

Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile, or more. Roughly the amount you'd give up to Oklahoma State, say.

Tommy Tuberville, who crawled through a river of shit-chili and came out clean on the other side. Tommy Tuberville, headed for the Pacific, or at least a body of water with a city with a Big East team in it. Those of us who knew him best talk about him often. That means no one ever really talks about him, but all men are mysteries, I suppose.