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THE BEST SHORT FILM OF 1968 IS THE COTTON BOWL SUMMARY

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THE COTTON BOWL IN 1968 WAS GRIZZLED BUT STILL WORE ITS FREE HAT

The Cotton Bowl made a short film detailing the festivities surrounding the 1968 matchup between Texas A&M and Alabama, and it contains multitudes. This is not an exaggeration: an aspiring cultural studies major could slice up half of it into a thoroughly satisfactory thesis, and pass with flying colors. (They would then submit an application to law school immediately.)

These are just the highlights of at least a hundred noteworthy things scattered through 25 minutes of sheer insanity:

1. BEAR IN A RED HAT.

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2. A 32 year old Gene Stallings. Like everyone in the past, at 32 he looks not a day under 45 years old.

3. At the 2:21 mark, the camera watches Alabama players go to bed. Nick Saban sees nothing wrong with this kind of surveillance.

4. The announcer starts leering over ladies at 2:30, saying "Sugar and spice, etcetera, etcetera." He does this enough times during the video to convince the viewer that somewhere, there is a school. This school, and others like it, are a place the announcer cannot come within 500 feet of per court order.

5. At 10:30, the pervy announcer calls Bear Bryant "old." Bryant would coach another fourteen years after this. Gene Stallings "observes meteorological conditions."

6. The following phrases are used to describe football during the game portion:

  • "battle of guided muscles"
  • "The Aggies get a five yard spanking"
  • "Pass breakages" instead of "pass breakups"
  • "royal soil," not "endzone"
  • scoring = "decorating the scoreboard"
7. THERE IS NOT A SINGLE BLACK PERSON IN THIS WHOLE VIDEO WHO IS NOT SERVING FOOD.