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GIG THAT ASS. This week's episode just talks mostly about how fun Texas A&M is, and how JC Copeland of LSU is the most Shutdown Fullback of all time, what with his Rick Ross beard and tendency to commit aggressive personal fouls.

Chips Kelly steals the damn show. We hope he survives the rats and ants and makes it to next week. Remember! If you're a young lady and want to have sex with a strapping young man in a Scooby-Doo costume, you have no choice but to root for the Aggies. (Who could theoretically beat Alabama, says Bill C. IN THEORY.)

RIP, DARRELL ROYAL. We look at the life of Darrell Royal, especially the part where he said fun, Texan kind of stuff. Burnt Orange Nation is flying the Longhorn flag at half-mast. A bit of research we couldn't include in the obit: Royal's playing weight as an Oklahoma high school running back was 124 pounds.

THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE GOES TO JUAREZ. You make fun of the casual USC fan, but do you really want to deal with the serious USC fan a lot when they're openly dreaming of Lane Kiffin meeting his doom in Juarez? Like, even Lane Kiffin doesn't deserve that. (We think.) (You never know.) (Seriously, the Paterno case has caused an epidemic of qualifiers about what coaches can and can't deserve at every level.)

MARK RICHT IS THE MOST COMPETITIVE SWINGER IN THE LAND. Mark Richt realized he'd completely jacked up his hip while doing P90x, but traces the injury back to a particularly competitive swinging session in the 1990s. We had no idea Mark Richt could swing so hard he destroyed a perfectly healthy hip, but his wife was there and said it was hilarious to watch in person. We have seen documentaries on this, and Kathryn Richt, we assure there was nothing funny about watching retirees doing unspeakable things to each other, and very little we would sanction as competition.

RICHT, CONT'D: Wetzel goes longish on him, and the "peace of God" sounds like Richt's code for "haters to the left."

CATLAAAAAAAB. RonP for President never dies.