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ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR SUMLIN

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JOHNNY MANZIEL, MASTER OF BARTITSU AND THE SPREAD OFFENSE

[Alabama spits at the back of Johnny Manziel's head.]

This mustn't register on an emotional level.

In summary: giant ears ringing, left jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging. Physical recovery: two weeks because LOL Western Carolina. Full psychological recovery: we'll see on December 1st in the Georgia Dome.