THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/5/2012

Why is the CI up so late? Two words: insomniac toddler!

INCEPTIONIZE EVERYTHING. Everything for the next two years will be set to Inception. That's fine if it's Johnny Manziel.

It's going to be very sad when Alabama turns him into hush puppies served in his own skull, but such is the fate of man in the SEC.

KHALED HOLMES RECOVERED NICELY. After a nightmarish first quarter where Star Lotulelei did anything and everything he wanted against USC's offensive line, the Trojans scored 31 points, destroyed whatever Utah was capable of doing on offense, and then turned Marqise Lee loose in the Utah defensive backfield. When you turn Marqise Lee loose in the defensive backfield, you watch people get embarrassed when he jukes three men out of their helmets and scores a TD. Don't let Marqise Lee juke three men out of their helmets and score TDs.

But let it be known: Khaled Holmes, after surrendering his soul to Lotulelei for the first quarter, played the last three quarters at center like a man full of the power of a ripped seraphim high on the PCP of the Lord himself. All kudos and awestruck praise to him for that, and for Robert Woods for um....let's just pretend that didn't happen.

HOW'S UTAH? Utah is full of sorrow this morning, and standing in the rain crying. The usual for 2012, really.

OH GEAUX GIRL. We're on the Geaux Show this week sounding very, very calm about the LSU game.

CHARLIE WEIS REMAINS CHARMING AND FOCUSED ON THE IMPORTANT THINGS. The student newspaper clearly doesn't support Kansas like they should, according to Charlie Weis, who does not understand that the worst thing you can do to smartass college journalists is make suggestions about what they do. When the editor starts putting the amount of money you make every day relative to the university on a box on the front page next to your record, you will understand just how bad an idea this truly is.

THIS IS NOT FUNNY. No, really, stop laughing, it's not that young man's body is a temple and it didn't happen.

THE INTERNET WILL HELP CORRECT THIS. As part of SEC membership, Waffle House has already secretly vowed expansion in this department, TAMU.

ETC: David Lee Roth's February interview with the Guardian contains this immortal tale:

When they headlined the 1983 US festival in California, in front of 375,000 people, and millions more watching on MTV – for a reported $1.5m fee – a bombed-out-of-his-mind Roth took on the Clash, who were also appearing: "I wanna take this time to say that this is real whiskey here … the only people who put iced tea in Jack Daniel's bottles is the Clash, baby!" That came moments after addressing a member of the crowd at whom Roth had taken umbrage: "Hey, man, don't be squirting water at me! I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend, pal!"