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Derick E. Hingle-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

OH THE CHORALITY OF IT ALL. You have some options when scoring your preview video, but the default--if you're not using the theme from Requiem For A Dream or Inception--is generic chorality set to footage of young men doing astonishing things on a football field. This all sounds cut and dry, and then you watch it.

If you know how to get a laptop out of a piece of drywall, please let us know. It got there all by itself, and had nothing to do with watching this video. (Via)

NOW IS THE TIME FOR HEROES WITH ASTONISHING AND FOOLISH AMOUNTS OF OPTIMISM. If you want to award those capable of amazing valor under impossible circumstances, then look no further than the people on Arkansas' roster not giving up in the face of Arkansas' long trip through football bankruptcy. Speaking of, this is a blow-by-blow of how you go bankrupt in Kentucky real estate courtesy of John L. Smith.

HUZZAH FOR THIS. The most damning thing you can be called over the next decade is "a good out-of-conference game," which will now be the college football equivalent of the respectable booty call you let your friends know about. Cincinnati, you are about to get sooooo many of those booty calls, you respectable opponent, you.

MORE EVIL POST/WHEEL COMBINATIONS. If Bud Foster watches this again (and he has to,) the sound of him eating whole cans of Skoal in anger will ring throughout the VT football complex. It sounds like a garbage disposal with a hilljack accent, or something like a younger Joe Kines caught in a raccoon trap.

WE'RE COOL, THANKS. Sumlin takes a bold stand for hand-crafted artisanal football, thank you very much Mr Saban. Now if you'll go trot over to that ice floe over there and let Mr. Sumlin do his job, that would be great. (This could also be Saban in an entirely different context.)

JUST PLAIN EVIL. Damn you, Burrito Bros Shit. Damn you to hell.

THEY EVEN GOT THE MUSIC RIGHT. Dear Father, we hope this pitch-perfect mockery of Ole Miss and Ken Burns finds you well, and noticing the red solo cups superimposed on civil war battle photography.

ETC: Thanks, video game developers, for ensuring that you'll be killing real people with historical accuracy in the new AC. Ian Darke is now ours, thanks, and no you cannot have him back. GO GAINESVILLE GO GATORS. Manatees do not like to be ridden. Shoulda listened to JB, man.