A HILARIOUS TRAGEDY WE JUST DISCOVERED

We'll start by telling you who it's not:

AUBURN. A popular guess, but an inaccurate one, as they've thrown the ball 22 more times than the Gators on first down. This is especially surprising considering the current starter is a broken Tickle Me Elmo.

GEORGIA TECH. Close, but, again, no. 8 more pass attempts. We repeat: there is a common offensive situation where Paul Johnson has told his team to pass more often than Florida.

MARYLAND. Incorrect. Five more first down throws. From a team that has already lost two quarterbacks and is now wondering if you can teach a horse to read the blitz.

So who are these lucky teams?

1. All three service academies. Navy has thrown 41 times on first down, Air Force 35, and Army 31. Perhaps the University of Florida is part of America's national defense! TAKE THAT TERRORISTS WE WILL FLIPCUP YOU TO DEATH.

2. Temple. You know, of Steve Addazio fame. Glad we upgraded from that ho-hum offense.

3. New Mexico, last on the list with 30 attempts. Bob Davie knows that you can please all of the people some of the time or some of the people all of the time or you could just sit in this comfy lawn chair and read old Ranger Rick magazines. "LEMME TELL YOU WHUT THESE MARSOUPYALS ARE SUM HARD WURKIN AMINALS."

This is Fearless Leader after we revealed this statistical news.

GO GATOR.