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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/25/2012

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THE CURIOUS INDEX CELEBRATES BIG TURN FORTBALL

BIG TURN FOOORTBAAWWWLLLLLL. This is Catlab's masterpiece, and that's saying something given their resume.

The WHAAARRGGGGGLLL noises in the background and how absolutely fucked up Kirk Ferentz looks with a giant chin are tied for the best moments here, though how normal Jerry Kill sounds slowed down is also right up there.

LET'S GIVE MACK BROWN SOME BREATHING ROOM. If he can't do the Longhorn Network's six hours of broadcasting, then someone else surely would be happy to fill the void. On a serious note: an ESPN deal resulted in the head coach of a program doing a mandatory six hours of television a week, and that is not at all weird or counterproductive to the overall health of the program they're selling.

LET'S GIVE YOU SOME MEANINGLESS AT THIS POINT HEISMAN THOUGHTS. Bill C says market corrections are coming.

OTHER MANDATORY THINGS. For twenty years, Bear Bryant had to wake up, drink Coca-Cola, and eat potato chips on air. Now, please imagine Nick Saban being forced to eat corn chips for money, and your day is made. You're welcome. #INTENSELYEATENCORNPRODUCTS

CAIN LEAVES THE CANES. Deeply important Miami news, or just another dude dropping off the roster in Miami's roller coaster ride called The Al Golden Experience.

K-STATE MASK AGREES. Your football field is made of rocks and sand and scorpions, which is stupid, but also kinda cool.

IN LESS SANGUINE K-STATE NEWS. Bill Snyder used to keep such horrendous hours as an up-and-coming assistant that he would wake up his children in the middle of the night to play with them. Coaching and coaches are not normal, and never have been.

GARY PINKEL NEEDS A TIP DRILL. The credit card saga at Mizzou gets the GIF it both needs and deserves. Of course it's NSFW, and one should never, ever click it ever.

IOWA'S BEAR-CENTRIC COACHING CLINIC WILL TOTALLY RIGHT THE SHIP. The nice thing about BHGP going around the bend completely is that it's entirely identical to Iowa when things are going well.

EL TORO! The longform for this week covers the improbable story of a paralyzed bullrider who decided to become the bull whisperer of our time. This seems insane, especially if you're in a wheelchair, but it's real, happened, and is awesome.

ETC: The secret to long life appears to be drinking 2-4 glasses of wine a day and playing lots of dominos at the bar. The best bit in Big Ghost's review of Kendrick Lamar's new is naturally the Drake part.