THIRD SHIFT: HAPPY WORLD OSTEOPOROSIS DAY

What? No, Bill Snyder doesn't have osteoporosis. But you do, if you're one of his enemies. Calcium bends to the old wizard's will. Fortunately, there is none to be found in Dana Holgorsen's body, which is 70% vodka, 14% Snackwells cookies, 11% Red Bull, and the rest some varying mixture of casino floor carpeting, teriyaki jerky, and hotel pillow feathers.

This is your third open thread. Please excuse its shortness, but Nick Saban made us promise it wouldn't be taller than him.