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Please don't go, Derek Dooley. You're the nicest babysitter ever!

Kevin Jairaj-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

THE MEDIA SHOWS ITS ANTI DOOLEY BIAS. The other side of the rock has all the reasons students want Dooley to stick around, including "makes delicious cinnamon rolls from scratch," "is a courteous driver," and "always refolds sweaters he chooses to try on but not purchase."

YOU MUST CHOOSE. But choose wisely. For as the true GIF will bring you eternal life, the false one will take it from you.

WHY IS THIS COMPUTER SO DUSTY. This excellent piece on the late Junior Seau is a good reminder that mental health problems are almost always the hardest part of the iceberg to spot.

JERRY KILL THINKS YOUR HEAD COLD IS BULLSHIT. He's been released from the hospital and plans to be back at work today after suffering a seizure following Minnesota's loss to Northwestern. We wish him well and still plan on missing at least two days this year due to "cuticle fatigue."

AUNT STABBY'S TRIP TO POINTS MOUNTAIN. Wonderful. She gets to watch Louisiana Tech and Texas A&M break into the armory and go freaking nuts, while we're stuck rooting for a Florida team that would be perfectly happy to throw four passes and win every game 16-3.

ETC. MICHIGAN MEN. Space Jump was even more amazing than you realize. I was recently informed that people make hot dogs in drip coffee makers and now I have gone down the grossest of rabbit holes. Shutdown Fullback, where madness and clarity intersect.