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FIRST SHIFT: THE RACE FOR THE ROSE BOWL

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(No, not Iowa-Michigan State, you idiot.)

Jonathan Daniel - Getty Images

FACT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MINNESOTA-NORTHWESTERN THAT I DEFINITELY DID NOT MAKE UP

  • Northwestern lists the record between these two teams as 32-50-5. Minnesota lists it as 15-0-0 because the Gopher recordkeeping department is just a random number generator.
  • The Wildcats gave up 282 yards passing to Matt McGloin because they don't know what "if you love something, set it free" means.
  • Minnesota hasn't finished over .500 in conference play since Glen Mason stole the remains of David Brinkley to make soup.
  • This will mark the 11th straight game that Pat Fitzgerald has not fully digested the cinder block he sleep-ate.
  • Gopher receiver A.J. Barker leads the nation in yards after putting your head through the jersey's armhole and your arm through the neckhole and your other arm is just confused.
  • The winner of this game gets to wear jeans instead of football pants for the rest of the season.
  • David Schwimmer went to Northwestern. That one is true, so yeah we can root for Minnesota now.