GOLDENBUFFACANES VS. MINERDEVILS AT HILLTROJAN STADIUM

DADDY'S HOME. Two days on the road and we're back. Did we bring you anything? A present? Yes, why, um...this is a Metro Card. It is a special card you use in New York City to get on the SUBWAY, where one can watch TOTAL STRANGERS MASTURBATING and ponder how EVERYONE IN NEW YORK WEARS THE SAME THREE COLORS IN THEIR CLOTHING. No, you can keep it. It's just as magical as you can imagine, son.

We also brought you a strange-ass slate of games no one will remember: WKU/Troy, UTEP at Tulsa, and the Pac-12 blowout of the night, Arizona State at Colorado. CU fans have politely allowed the team to play a mulligan quarter before showing up, and if the Sun Devils do the same, well, we've got ourselves a tussle by the flatirons, Gus Chiggins.