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The most important person in recruiting remains the mother, and oh goodness what a mother he has.

For the record: if we were a coach, we would have sex with her, and not just to attempt to secure the football services of her son. We would do it because life is short, and she seems crazy enough, and because we would do anything to nab a quality safety for our program. Also, being from New Orleans, we suspect we might get a few quality meals for good effort from her, or at least some King Cake stolen off the counter when she chases us out of the house for being too drunk to participate in the festivities. <----THIS WOULD HAPPEN. <---BECAUSE NOLA.

(P.S. You are turning a corner in life when you do not scout recruits, but their mothers. This is called THE LEMMING POINT.)

Ms. April Justin, she of the "LSU Number One" cheer when her son committed to Alabama, gave an interview to detailing exactly why she thought her son had committed to the Tide over the Tigers. The culprit? Some little girl, of course.

"Well, all of the sudden this little girl (Victoria) comes up. She's here at the official. The mom (Annette) is on the field. ... It went over my head, because I'm not there. You come back and you hear that this lady tried to get a job at LSU, and she keeps getting denied, so she has this vendetta out for LSU. So now Saban calls, and she was working somewhere when he was at LSU. It's just far out. It's just overwhelming. I'm just ready for it to be over with and he goes to his next level."

This little girl is Collins' girlfriend, who does have a spot waiting for her as an intern in the Alabama football offices. Some things read with no inflection whatsoever, like electronics instructions or recipes, but that "this little girl?" With a New Orleans accent, and slight wobble of the head ending in a skeptical tilt of the head and long stare? Oh, we know exactly how that sounds. Did we mention she's white, which confirms our theory that if you want to start a tragic plot, you just need to throw a white girl into any situation?

  • Titanic: No white girl, Jack's swimming on a piece of wreckage he found first.
  • OJ Simpson.
  • Rick James. (The white girl is cocaine.)
  • Star Wars. Proof that Natalie Portman ruins everything.
  • The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
  • Batman. Your parents were murdered? How about we kill your childhood sweetheart, too? SOUNDS GREAT.
  • Any noir story.
  • Any committee meeting ever.
  • The Trojan War.

By the way, it would be a violation of NCAA Bylaw 13.2.1. if Collins' girlfriend were offered an internship in connection with his recruitment, but good luck ever proving she wasn't the most qualified candidate for the position. (We are certain she is, Alabama fans. Get out of our chimney. It is filled with violent, deranged squirrels who haven't seen the sun since November, and they will bite and bite repeatedly.)