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Let us just say that the unfair depiction of Weis as a scooter-bound MDMA addict in this video is unfair and inaccurate. Now that his hip surgery is complete, he will be mobile with the use of a cane for the fall football season, and still completely addicted to MDMA. (Florida's MDMA happens to be particularly good, thus all the sitting this season.) NONE OF THIS IS TRUE.

EARLY AND CONSERVATIVE ESTIMATE OF FUTURE TRENDS. 2012's very premature do's and don't's are up at the mothership, and if you get nothing else from it you get the enduring image of Tyrann Mathieu with wombat perched on his head. The wombat is also holding a molotov cocktail, because wombats are intemperate, violent creatures, and even more so when you nail their feet to the top of a football helmet. Phil Knight is a GENIUS.

MILES ENDS HIS SILENCE IN A RAIN OF SUBCLAUSES AND DANGLING MODIFIERS. Coaching genius and timelord Les Miles denied all rumors of an LSU locker room argument prior to the national title game, instead insisting they took the field as they always did during the 2012 season: led by 45 unicorns, walking backwards, and farting glitter with each step.

FOR THOSE WHO REMEMBER HIS WORK AT WAKE FOREST. It will come as no surprise that Jim Caldwell was fired as coach of the Indianapolis Colts, or that the conversation to fire his dull ass took seven hours. Matt and ourselves took a turn at simulating just how horrendous this conversation was, but frankly even a fictionalized account of the tedium probably doesn't come close to the real thing.

In other NFL news: Jacksonville clearly wants energy at the special teams coaching position, guys!

YES, THINGS MAY CHANGE. There are two schools of thought in the SEC's ongoing rescheduling shuffles: one, that losing permanent cross-divisional rivals is imminent, and ours, which is that there's no way they're going to touch Auburn/Georgia and Alabama/Tennessee, and that everything else is probably fair game. Either way, Blutarsky and Hinnen are unhappy about it in two different objections to the ongoing mutation of the SEC.

GET SMARTER. And also watch the video of Larry Fitzgerald blowing the shit out of a Cover 2 with the slant option variation on Smash.