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UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON DISCOVERS THE JOYS OF TELEVISION MONEY

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We are still waiting to see which Pac-12 school is the first to openly and fabulously squander their new television money. The signs would likely be subtle at first: players using IPads for cafeteria trays and frisbees, for instance. Oregon's orbital-space-station-sex-club locker rooms would proliferate quietly, and helmets would slowly incorporate the use of more exotic materials whether they needed them or not. ("USC has made no changes to the classic helmets, but the materials for tonight's helmets is pure Kevlar, and thus bulletproof." Not a bad idea for wherever you are in L.A., actually.)

The real decadence would come later when all previous standards of decorum had been abandoned: Godzillatrons for in-stadium displays, football statues built to the still-living, coaches hired away from the NFL for NFL grade salaries, and worst of all, the outright purchase of successful assistants from other teams in conference. Dastardly? Yes. Standard operating practice? Oh hell yes.

It may already be too late, Pac-12. First you get the tv money. Then you start paying $500K for recruiters, and then somewhere in all the BCS championshipping and oversigning and glory, this happens:

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And once that happens, Pac-12? There is not a god in the celestial heavens willing to help your blighted soul at that point. (Trust us, it's not as bad as it sounds. Quite comfy, actually.)