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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/26/2011

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DEAR LORD.

Jeff Demps in his fourth year still does things that you shouldn't be able to do in a straight line. Having dispensed with Kentucky, the goal this week for Florida now turns to Alabama and the goal of scoring more than six points against them. THE QUEST FOR DOUBLE DIGITS BEGINS.

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, NOW PLEASE CLEAN THE GRILL. With Texas A&M becoming official this weekend, the Aggies will have to become accustomed to a few things. First, the bottom of the conference is a bit tougher at the margins, and please don't laugh because Ole Miss doesn't appreciate that, y'all. Second, Golden Flake products will fall like rain from the sky on your campus every Thursday, so we suggest putting out bowls and buckets to collect them before a really heinous rat problem breaks out on your campus. Third, welcome, and prepare for LSU fans to get all your cellphone numbers, even the unlisted ones you use to call recruits on burner phones. They have powers you can't possibly comprehend.

GREG REID WILL NOT SNITCH.  One of our long-term projects in life is to be arrested for practicing law without a license, so we can appreciate the potential caper-worthy charge of "perjury in a non-courtroom situation." FSU's Greg Reid was arrested for obstruction and lying to a cop, thus making official Reid's status as the only person on the Florida State defense who obstructed anything this weekend in any manner whatsoever.

KILL BACK TO HOSPITAL. This sucks in 360 degrees, but Jerry Kill is back in the hospital after suffering subsequent seizures over the past couple of weeks. Kill, who suffered a seizure on the field during Minnesota's game against New Mexico State on September 12th. There is no timetable for his return, but what is known is that Kill is a bawse in the husband category, and evidently so is Mrs. Kill:

"So they need to get it figured out. And that's my wife's job and that's why I've been married 29 years. She's a hell of a woman and she's trying to get it figured out.

Best wishes to Kill and family, and serious hopes that Minnesota football isn't cursed because Tim Brewster followed by this seems a lot like a curse placed on Minny football by an angry Glen Mason in a drunken occult phase.

HEY GIRL. Les comin' atcha with a fine cloud of man-musk and a number one ranking surrounding him.

ETC: Yeah, we'll take this house if we have to, peasant. Only you can help Wikipedia by being Craig James. WOO. Mr. Rogers had quite the pop-and-lock, actually. Clemson's punter posted this on his own Facebook page, which shows that he at least has quite a sense of humor about things. Eat of bag of Doritos sorrowfully and in tribute today.