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TWITTER PREVIEWS, WEEK FOUR: NOW WITH INFORMATIVE GIFS

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Twitter previews return this week. Remember: they are 140 characters long, and if not accurate in a specific strategic discussion of the game certainly reflect a certain emotional truth. For additional reference, a relevant gif has been included with each one. Bob Stoops would be aghast if you didn't admire the splendor beyond the jump.

UCF at BYU, Friday 8:00 p.m.

UCF =Orlando, the fake boob of Florida. BYU says ours are just fine the way God made them. UCF: "Whatever, girl." [jiggles for three hours]

RELEVANT GIF:

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SATURDAY

 

SAN DIEGO STATE at MICHIGAN, 12:00 

Hoke: "LEFT MY PIZZA DIAPER IN SD PLZ BRING." Dave Brandon: "We do not pay him in money." UM fans: "We know, Dave. We know." [SDSU hangs in]

RELEVANT GIF:

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NOTRE DAME at PITTSBURGH: PhD THESIS DEFENSE: Tino Sunseri and Tommy Rees are placed in a large hadron collider. They throw passes. INFINITE HIGGS-BOSON INTERCEPTION?

RELEVANT GIF:

 

NORTH CAROLINA at GEORGIA TECH: Everett Withers: "We plan to play assignment football." Paul Johnson: "I got an assignment for ya." [opens envelope.] ["GO FUCK YOURSELF."]

RELEVANT GIF:

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OLE MISS at GEORGIA: Houston Nutt and Mark Richt are banned from every craps table because of Nutt's inability to get seven and Richt's endless streak of threes.

RELEVANT GIF:

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FLORIDA STATE at CLEMSON. Alex: "Filled with demons." Jimbo: "What is EJ Manuel's shoulder." Alex: "Correct." Jimbo: "Dabo for $200." Alex: "WHARGARBL." Dabo: "MEE."

RELEVANT GIF:

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KANSAS STATE at MIAMI: Al Golden sweats through 5 oxford buttondowns a day. The shirts are burned after use. The smoke kills mosquitos. It is also a hallucinogen.

RELEVANT GIF:

 

ARKANSAS at ALABAMA: Bobby Petrino once shot a moose in the balls w/ a crossbow in Montana. "What brilliant execution and design!" it said, kicking him to death.

RELEVANT GIF:

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OKLAHOMA STATE at TEXAS A&M: An oil man comes to town w/ a proposition: give me your 1st born & bonfire lumber. In exchange, I'll boot you the hell out of my conference.

RELEVANT GIF:

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LSU at WEST VIRGINIA: Holgo: "Ho-ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Dodge! Parry! Spin! Thrust!" Miles: [puts tiny stick in path of spinning staff.] [Holgo falls in water.]

RELEVANT GIF:

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MiZZOU AT OKLAHOMA: Gary Pinkel ices his own kicker because you might go offsides, his beer to keep it cold, and his penis because he's about to get cockpunched.

RELEVANT GIF:

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OREGON at ARIZONA: Chip Kelly & Mike Stoops enter a small wooden shed in the desert. Kelly reveals a gun & puts 4 bullets in the chamber. Stoops stabs himself.

RELEVANT GIF:

 

 

USC at ARIZONA STATE: Dennis Erickson was married to Stevie Nicks for 7 weeks in '79, & inspired the song "Gypsy." Lane Kiffin doesn't know who either of those people are, buttwad.

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