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The Fast and the Furious movies are a goldmine for college football metaphor.

OKAY FINE YOU GO TO SLEEP AND SUDDENLY THE BIG 12 IS STILL ALIVE. [BLANKET STATEMENT ABOUT HOW TIRESOME EXPANSION IS] We went to sleep and woke up to find the Big 12 was still nominally alive, and that the Pac-12 was just cool not inviting Texas aboard because that's how you end up with Deloss Dodds wearing the captain hat while you scrub the decks, and that's just not the kind of ship Larry Scott wants to run. Either way, Truffle Shuffle has it right in graphic form, and sometimes a well-placed ad tells you all one needs to know about a situation.

BUT BUT WHAT'S HAPPENING: Read this. It's all true for the next 30 minutes minimum barring it not being true. McMurphy's mindmeld with the Big East continues, and that's why he's the first one with specific details about the Big East's expansion plans. Staples has a tidy roundup, as well, and if you go WHOA WORDS just skip to the last two paragraphs. Holly says the SEC needs to keep its geographical integrity, but no one said she had to stick to the Southeastern United States, did they?

THIS IS NOT A GIF. It is, but you know, look at it and know that Stephen Garcia has probably been in this exact scenario.

THE CRAIG JAMES ANNUAL AWARD FOR SPORTS ANALYSIS EXCELLENCE AND NO NOT THE CLEANUP OF SEX WORKERS WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT--- Rocky Top Talk has its picks for broadcasting/media excellence, and that would most definitely include the screechy end of an otherwise well-researched Taylor Branch piece about the NCAA.

MIAMI GOES DEEPER INTO A NEW LEVEL OF UNPRECEDENTED MIAMI-NESS. Luther Campbell is suing a broke dude in prison and thus costing himself money, and that makes sense because banana potato detente compliance what?

IS SOUTH CAROLINA KILLING MARCUS LATTIMORE'S NFL CAREER? Um, no. Or yes. Or data is inconclusive. What's known for sure is that a shit-ton of carries in the NFL bodes nothing good for running backs not named Eric Dickerson

ETC: Progressive Boink has a head-on collision with Glee, and there are no survivors. Drew discovers the joy of post-30 hangovers, and contributes to our belief that a lot of potential alcoholics opt out of practice due to the inability to cope with the pain of the next morning.