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MIAMI FOOTBALL IS ALL ABOUT JUICE AND OTHER THINGS THAT WERE GOOD IN 1992

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Please, just go to the 2:25 mark and observe the Miami football players' answer to the question "You can watch all your favorite sports teams at this location. The name includes a three-letter word that has several meanings ranging from candy to sand to steel to belly up."

Obvious answer: "MOE'S." it's not an academic scholarship, but the regrouping inside an air-conditioned restaurant/bar shows the kind of instincts we like in teammates. There's hope yet for Miami football. By the way, in case you're wondering, it is customary to take your shirt off in Miami anytime the temperature gets above 90 degrees.

The key word for Al Golden and the 'Canes going into fall practice: JUICE. Why? Um, because it's important, and delicious and stuff, and because Al Golden says so even though the phrasing is genuinely pauseworthy. 

James continued: "People have been saying, ‘You guys are different this year, you guys act a different way.’ It’s just the juice."

A PR PERSON STEPS IN."---um, he means the passion we have in the program. Not steroids. I didn't say steroids. Except for that time just now. Actually, that was off the record. On the record: Al Golden did not say 'juice,' but is instead referring to "the Jews," whose toughness, strength, and intelligence is hopefully reflected in this football team. Golden will have no pork at the training table in honor of God's Chosen People, and though circumcisions are voluntary, they are certainly appreciated because we'll be able to see whose really buying in by simply looking in the showers after practice. I'm actually not a spokesperson for the University of Miami, and am instead a deranged homeless person you've let walk right up to the microphone. I should leave before these monkeys eat my brain"

/insane homeless person runs away

/is chased by enraged Al Golden