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THE FAMOUS IDAHO POTATO BOWL IS NOW AMERICA'S BOWL GAME

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The Humanitarian Bowl has had several fantastic sponsors in its history. The bowl is the only bowl to have been so crucial as the Crucial.com Humanitarian Bowl, and the only one to have been sponsored by the American highway killer's favorite place to rest and rejuvenate the senses, Roady's Truck Stops. A certain SMU player of note has been rumored to adore these fine institutions, and we reiterate: please stop these vicious and unsavory rumors at once, commentariat. Dead hookers are people, too. 

That said, the new iteration of Idaho's finest bowl game is its most glorious yet. The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl will be the only bowl game that combines the two things Americans love most: football and empty, delicious, ass-ballooning  carbohydrates.

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There are chives on that football mountain, men. And sour cream. And glory. I don't know what it takes to get there. Eight wins in the WAC, perhaps? Seven in the MAC? Those are dreams, boys, big flaky fluffy Idaho dreams. If you work hard, who knows what life holds for you? The bacon bits of glory? Maybe that there's a volcano, and we'll strike us up a little Victory Chili flowing once we're done here. You're not getting broccoli, though. That's a football mountain, and no one's ever climbed a mountain for little farty trees that don't belong in the middle of your Glory Potato.

Even if that Idaho potato is just two regular sized potatoes carefully sliced and formed together to appear as one, you'll reap the benefits of all potato-centipede glory. You just have to work hard, dream, and don't ever put down that fork. I mean that literally. I want you to sleep with forks in your hands, men. The enemy comes at you fast, and you'll need a defense when the time comes. And it will come, because everyone craves potatoes, and glory, and football-shaped chili volcanoes.

Bleary, carbohydrate coma eyes. Full, bloated stomachs. Can't lose.