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DOMESTIC FOOTBALL HEROISM DEFINED

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We do not honor the heroic work of our domestic partners in football living enough, and that is a crime. Tolerance alone is half the job. The other half includes myriad tasks: cleaning up the shattered remnants of remote controls, explaining absences at family events ("He would have liked to have made the funeral, but Wake Forest/Clemson is on,") and tolerating loud noises made late at night when that San Jose State/Hawai'i game gets really interesting at 1:45 in the morning.("Honey! San Jose State only lost by 23! WE'RE GOING TO COZUMEL WITH THE FIFTEEN DOLLARS I JUST MADE US! GAMBLING KEEPS THIS FAMILY FED!")

So let us single out one heroine in particular, whose valor was documented and sent to us by reader Jim.

I'm attaching a picture of what I found inside my doorstep when I got home from work yesterday.  It's a huge red and black rolling cooler (which matches my life color scheme perfectly), and it was filled with beer and included a special football-related note.  May we all have wives/girlfriends/significant others as giving and in-tune as mine.

This is the attached picture:

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Please note that the black ribbon connotes a hint of death, which is appropriate since he will be a phantom in his own house for the immediate future. To Jim: give this woman whatever she requires. She is battle-tested and worth her weight in WillyBucks.*

*Actual cash value: inestimable. Or zero. We still can't decide.