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THE RANDY EDSALL EFFECT

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Editor's note: make fun of Luke all you like, but he is getting Edsall'd in person for this game and paid money for the privilege. FOOTBALL IS FOOTBALL.

Has life's rich pageant got you too overstimulated? Do you find football overwhelming, scary, and anxiety inducing? Do you often find yourself openly asking, "what happened to the boring AM radio fodder of yesteryear?" Worry not, Maryland Terrapin fan, because your world is about to get far more monochromatic!

When even the ice cream made in your likeness feels like a trip to The Military Bowl in your mouth, you know you won't find any unexpected stimulation here. In fact, has having to wait for tickets to go on sale at the athletic department's website got you stressed out, guilt ridden, and fighting the overpowering urge to call your life coach for guidance?

If so, then prepare to get Edsall'd. Be it a combination of the suspension of a number of University of Miami players, the sheer overwhelming top down vanillafication of every aspect of their football problem, or folks spending the same disposable income to travel the Labor Day weekend prior, the University of Maryland is getting all groupon'd up in this piece. Just $22 gets you not only a seat to the least exciting conference game opener in America, but you also get a boring (potentially subtly racist!) t-shirt, a $15 value!

Limit four. A party of five could induce too much coordination related worry and strain, and Randy Edsall doesn't want you to worry about a thing.

The melatoninfense is coming to your backyard, District of Columbia. Are you ready to nap on it?

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Sleep to dream, sweet prince.