Thanks to Run Home Jack, we have an advanced copy of Randy Steele's awesome season preview. If you want him to keep walking, you'll buy like a hundred of these because otherwise he's going to be a cripple. --Ed.
Steelemas is a joyous time for every boy and girl, but it has a dark (if lesser known) cousin - Strangler's Eve. Phil Steele has a half-brother, Randy "The Strangler*" Steele who puts out a college football preview magazine of his own, though never earlier than a few days before the start of the season. It is mostly plagiarism and fraud, and it is wholly unsafe for work, even if you're unemployed.
We here at EDSBS received a copy** of Randy Steele's 2011 College Football Preview and have been granted permission to share a few experts, as Randy "has to sell 500 of these by Sunday if he wants to keep his good leg."
*So named because of his propensity to walk into a liquor store, wrap his fingers around a bottle of gin, and drain said bottle of all life before the shopowner can stop him.
**We actually got this from a hobo who complained that this year's ply wasn't worth using for TP.
|HIV||My bookie Herb in Vegas|
|POY||Player of the Year|
|RFR||Refried Beans and Rice|
|YSP||You suck Phil|
(below from page 31, the last page)
RANDY STEELE'S PRESEASON TOP 14
[Randy - before you print this out at the public library make sure you find Phil's preview and copy his top 14, but be sure to switch his #10 with his #8 and his #12 with his #13. You also promised to put in UCLA at #14 after Neuheisel had that witness "removed" for you. - Herb]
WHO WILL WIN THE "STRANGLER'S CLUB" TROPHY?
Due to an ongoing legal dispute with The Heisman Trust regarding an unpaid bar tab at Buca di Beppo, Randy Steele's College Football Preview has created its own award to honor the player who gives the least fuck. To be eligible, a player (or someone on the player's behalf) must send an entry fee of $5,000 (cash or money order) to Randy Steele Charitable Enterprises. Miami QB Brock Berlin is currently the only eligible contender.