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ALL HAIL MIGHTY CATLAB WILLY THE WILDCAT CAN TEACH THE PEOPLE LOVE IF WE TRY. The surrealists of the Great Plains return to blow what is left of your mind into the Mississippi River.

As a matter of season conditioning, you should also probably watch their masterpiece "Starshine U," a collage inspiring as prescient a comment as you could expect from a Youtube commenter:

cleary u are a loser, who has has to hype himself about the U sucking...we are down but never out, 2010 is our year


THIS CAN'T END IN TRAGEDY (AGAIN.) Hoooooboy, does SMU want into a major conference, and hoooooboy that has NO potential for going sideways in a hurry. #RIP5 #thatsnottrue Speaking of conference shuffling, let's look at not one, but two hyperventilating pieces on the SUSAN POWTER INSANITY THAT MUST BE STOPPED IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL. We'll all live. This is the 21st century. Everything is a scam. Please maintain calm. In the long run we'll all be fine. (And dead.)

AS FAR AS WE KNOW THIS IS FAKE, TOO. Accurate, but fake, haters whose thighs aren't developed enough to carry off such a challenging fashion option as the jort. Also, Mike Vick isn't an actual Eagle, but what if he was, man?

NO ONE SHOULD USE THE AUBURN SECONDARY AS AN INDICATOR OF ANYTHING. It being a Ted Roof defense, you should know that its explicit purpose is to exhort the defensive line to do something, because have you seen all this running these guys are doing back here? They're doing this, like, all day? If someone throws the ball back here crazy things could happen, man. Paul doesn't believe Auburn will be any good this year, a clear indication that he is both a hater and an energy vampire of the first rank.

NO CHARGES YET. No one has been charged with anything in the LSU barfight, and no suspensions besides Russell Shepard's unrelated suspension, but we do want to go ahead and put dibs on Jordan Jefferson's new nickname, "Stampy The Punterback."


SI COMMENTERS SEEM NICE. They seem to have identified Holly as a "Girl," and as a "Woman," which by Dr. Diamond's Theory of Girl/Woman Transition is impossible.

IMMORTAL HEADLINES.  Just standing and applauding the copy editor, y'all.

DO GOOD THINGS BE IOWA-ISH. BHGP's annual Touchdowns for Kids fundraiser is on, and is well worth your time and charitable donations. Ricky Stanzi would want you to do it. America wants you to do it. Same thing, but we felt like saying it for those not in the know.

ETC.: Big Ghost Chronicles reviews Tha Carter 4, and Drake's dead now. These stock photos seem anything but useless. George Benson can play jazzy guitar licks and roller skate those hoes into a stupor simultaneously.