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TEXAS A&M SAYS THERE'S NO ONE ELSE, IT SWEARS

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Texas A&M isn't leaving you for anyone in particular, Dan Beebe. It's not  you it's me. Sometimes people just grow apart. Seasons change. Reasons change. I just need to find out who Texas A&M is, and I can't do that as Mrs. Texas' Charming and Eccentric Rival. Go ahead, even check the Facebooks. I'm clean as a freshly shampooed Collie, hon. (I'm taking the freshly shampooed Collie, by the way.)

The Aggies began the formal process of separation from the Big 12 today, something they are doing without any idea of where they're going. No, they're doing this all on their own, and without messages in code arriving by carrier pigeon in a lacy, elegant script matching the care of a charming but elfin Birmingham lawyer. Nope, this is all about A&M and how we've just grown apart, Big 12. Especially all that time you've been spending with that big city tramp from Austin. No offense to that glitzy whore, but she sells it on the side, Big 12. Just thought you should know.

As for Texas A&M, she'll end up somewhere. Nowhere definite. Nope, nowhere a'tall, honey. Why do you ask?