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NIKE PRO COMBAT UNIFORMS UNLEASH THE BOISE GHOST HORSE

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Before we say anything else about the newest round of Pro Combat uniforms, let this be noted: The Boise State Pale Horse helmet is everything you could want in a redesign. It looks like the headgear of your starting linebacker, DEATH. It looks like the wargear of an angry horsepeople bent on reducing your civilization to a pile of raped ashes. Unsilent Majority saw it and said, "i want a mini version of that helmet to put on my dick."

Behold, a pale horse: and on it a pale rider (because Idaho is a really, really white state, and because it's Death get it?)

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Ovations. The more metal/Conan/death-y a uniform looks, the closer we are to Mutant League Football, and that is never anything but a net positive. The all-white Stormtrooper togs are also choice because they look evil and resemble piles of cocaine evil. The shoes are rolling so hard you can hear that squiggly build synth that signalled the exact moment at a rave when everyone's eyes rolled back in their head at once. This is the 13th Warrior of uniforms: Lo, do we see its fillips, and lo do we hail its virtues.

The Oregon Kevlar one is less impressive because we're numb to Oregon's permutations. They did sew Kevlar into the collar, which is a ridiculous touch. If Jordan Jefferson's starting, Oregon already has all the protection they need strapped around their skulls.