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AN OFFICER AND A JEFFERSON

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Listen, we can't score it until someone is actually charged in the incident of An Officer and a Jefferson, but there's no reason we can't go ahead and give you a sneak preview of Jose Baez's innovative defense for the quarterback. Your honor, it was simple. The Marine was part of a cabal of thugs and good ol' boys running this sleepy backwoods town and who frowned upon the hippies and their flowery, cuddly ways. Mr. Jefferson, cloaked in mystery and riding in on an American flag-themed chopper, decided the good ol' boys had ruled the burg of Baton Rouge long enough, and used his government training and superior reflexes to put them in their place. There's something about a community center and the kids in here, and it gets kind of vague with a training sequence set to Ram Jam, but roll with it, okay?

In this footage, you can clearly see the Marine assaulting Jefferson's foot with his face. We're sorry: did we say footage? Ladies and gentlemen, we can't say for certain whether this is "footage." It sure looks like it, but we can't say whether it is or not. People can do all kinds of things with photoshop these days, but it sure looks real, doesn't it? Who are you going to believe, your eyes or what some pointy "Expert" has to say? Experts. If they were all so smart why don't we have flying cars, huh experts? That's what we thought.

The defense rests. Thank you, and Geaux Tigers.