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BRONCO MENDENHALL PROBABLY HAS A GOOD IDEA

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Well, it does have the word "Bronco" and "boobs" in it. Relevant!
Well, it does have the word "Bronco" and "boobs" in it. Relevant!

The ESPN/USA Today Coaches' Poll always seemed like a disastrous idea if done perfectly, meaning it's a really terrible idea that could go well if everyone neglects it and has a knowledgeable assistant fill out the paperwork. By many accounts this is precisely what happens, and that is why the poll isn't subject to the same kind of brickbats the BCS, the NCAA are. The negligence built into its design is one of its greatest strengths, and no one should ever change that.

By the way, a brickbat is a bat, but instead of furry flying rodent body, there is a brick. If you've never seen one of these, it is because your friends and family all know about them, but don't like or love you enough to show you one. (YOU KNEW IT!)

Brigham Young coach and Federal Witness Protection participant "Bronco Mendenhall*"will be a new member of the poll this year. By his own admission, he doesn't read newspapers, watch many other teams, read websites, and uses the verb "faxed" to describe his method of communication with the poll's runners.

"She might be the one voting, yeah," he said.

He isn't being completely serious, but we are: if "Mendenhall" puts his wife** in charge of doing the ballot and turns into a true 3 shift Saturday diehard, she will do just as good a job as anyone else on the poll. No one else really knows what they're doing with polls either, and that's the point: it's a form of enumerated conjecture made up of the conference leaders, the second best teams, and then "I dunno kind of liked them hurrrr #19 it is." We say this as someone who has hurr'd and durr'd through rankings for some time now. Everyone is a moron in rankings; the only thing that varies is the flavor and degree of imbecility. 

"Mendenhall" also wins points not only for showing strong delegating skills, but also owning up to what you may suspect already: that most football coaches are the guy who watched their HD television in standard definition for six months before someone pointed it out to them.***

Asked if he has a DVR at home, he responded: "I don't know if I do or not. Is that where you can tape it? She knows how to do that. That's bad, isn't it? But it is truthful."

Yes it is, "Bronco." Whatever your real identity is.

*Not his real name. No one is really named "Bronco Mendenhall." Don't even try to convince us.

**Singular. Tut-tut, you.

***Author: "I did this for a whole year." Eyesight rating POOR.