25 Rules, Tips, Guidelines, and Things to Know to Become a Respected Commenter

  1. The most important thing to know, above all others: Fuck Clemson. That must always be your morning wake up call; a long, ringing cry into the dawn of morning, because "FUCK CLEMSON THAT'S WHY!" It is this blogs Roll Tide.
  2. Republican? Democrat? Christian? Muslim? Have a very vocal aversion to the issue of genocide in Darfur? Have this really awesome theory about race relations in the United States? Good for you. Don't fucking mention it. We come here to talk, discuss, argue, make fun of, and read about Football. If you're going to go off topic, it better be about alcohol, fashion, movies, TV, alcohol, your personal life, alcohol, funny videos, alcohol, Tom Hammond, and alcohol.
  3. EDSBS Legends and Contributor's: LSUFreek, for his amazing .gif ability, a library and visual record of Football seasons past, and Bubbaprog, EDSBS ally and friend.
  4. Do not complain about the amount of SEC and B1G news on this site. The Author is a Florida alum, Editor-Emeritus Holly Anderson is a Tennessee alum, and Doug is a Georiga alum. Besides that, the SEC has won threeve national titles in a row, usually against a slow B1G team. Thus, they get the play around here because the vast majority of the readership root for schools in those conferences. However, there is a bevy of PAC-12 news and Bevo-10 news as well. Big East fans? We get scraps AND WE LIKE IT!
  5. A noted commenter you should be aware of is Truffle Shuffle. Why you should be aware? Well, Truffle Shuffle is a big, big fan of NBC and Notre Dame commentator Tom Hammond. By big, big fan, we of course mean romantically infatuated with Tom Hammond. His Photoshops will be the nightmare fuel of your football season.
  6. Humility is the best characteristic to have as a commenter. There are no sacred cows around here, everyone's school is fair game to be criticized, made fun of, and mocked. The sooner you realize that no one cares about the 32 National Titles you've won (put your hand down Alabama) and will simply continue to bring up that one time that your athletic director got caught driving drunk with another woman's panties between his legs, claiming she had decided to take them off and, "I was just trying to get her home."
  7. It is the Fulmer Cup. No, the name should not be changed to (insert name of current leading schools coach, Ellis T. Jones award leader, All In Award). It would be like renaming the Heisman Trophy the Toretta Trophy.
  8. Yes, there are women who comment here. No, they are not damsels in distress, they do not need you to protect their honor. Yes, a good amount of them are married. No, hitting on them would not be a good idea.
  9. Titles. Titles. Titles. Titles. When you post, always put a title in your comment as well. ESPECIALLY if you are posting a picture or .gif. Especially if it involves Tom Hammond.
  10. I'm going to save Erik T. the time. If you are going to post a large .gif or picture, use the code <img height=400 src">. it will make a lot of readers lives much, much easier.
  11. Do not personally attack another commenter, it just makes you look like more of a jackass than you, presumably, already were, you're just going to get banned for it anyways, and no one will like you.
  12. Sometimes when a post by the Author goes over 1000 comments, especially the last of the day, but there is still discussion going on, a separate open thread will be made by a commenter. This will be done in the form of a fanshot, and you are welcome to perform that task as well if you are attentive about it.
  13. When making an open thread, do not make it in the Fanposts. That section is kept separate for legitimate commenter written content, and wasting a space on an open thread will bump a legitimate Fanpost off the list for readers.
  14. Trolling is wholeheartedly welcome on this site, in the vein of baiting certain commenters who are fans of teams with some shortcomings. In fact, a commetariat bingo game has been developed around the concept. Just remember, while saying, "You know stempike, Notre Dame doesn't look too good, Michael Floyd spends too much time drinking, not enough time working. Besides, you're overrated and will get blown out in the BCS bowl you attend as a 9-3 team," is completely acceptable and encouraged if you wish to start an argument about Notre Dame football or just trollololololo, saying, "Malcolm Floyd is a drunk who should be kicked out and work a minimum wage job, Notre Dame is an over privileged institution that discriminates against people who are poor, they and the Catholic Church should be abolished, and you must beat up homeless children for fun if you went there stempike," will likely get you a very long, possibly permanent ban, no one will like you, and you will be the biggest asshole in the known universe.
  15. Something occurred here, long ago, a mighty struggle the likes of which lasted over 1,000 comments and is spoken of in hushed tones to this day. It is called the Potato War, fought between fans from Idaho and Boise State in these comments. Remember this: while we have never seen a USC fan around here, we have witnessed several Idaho fans.
  16. Parodies of famous songs where the lyrics are substituted for references to a scandal or humiliating defeat are ALWAYS welcome.
  17. You may see someone mention someone named Aunt Stabby in the comments. That would refer to editor-emeritus Holly Anderson. SHE IS THE BEST AND ONLY AUNT STABBY REMEMBER THAT!
  18. If someone posts the .gif of the water cup shaking in Jurassic Park, or of a T-Rex, it likely means you've made a comment that is likely to lead to discussion that will result in a good round of bans for everyone. It would be best for you to heed the warnings of others.
  19. No backseat editing please. The writers already have bosses to critique the writing for them, if you want to do that, become a high school English teacher.
  20. Some people come here for the writing, some people come here for the comments. A lot of people come here for both. Don't say there should be less moderation of the comments, we already have a shitload of free reign as it is.
  21. Always remember one thing: Craig James killed 5 hookers at SMU. Allegedly.
  22. Our Troll King, our Troll Kali-Ma, our Troll Jim Jones, is Paul Finebaum of the Paul Finebaum Show. He bills himself as the most hated man in the SEC. He is not lying. His show is one of the greatest guilty pleasures in the world, a veritable vaudeville performance featuring such great contributors as TAMMY! He is responsible or has encouraged Auburn and Alabama fans to perform insane acts against each school, including giving fame to Harvey Updyke, who called in after poisoning the trees at Toomer's Corner. You will hear every single southern stereotype you have ever been told, and others you couldn't even fathom, if you listen to his show. If you ever call in, just remember to always end your call with the words; "I'MMA HANG UP AND LISTEN PAWWWWWL. ROLL TIDE!"
  23. Jokes, Subjects, and Games that will never, ever not be funny: Uga jokes, 2010 Iron Bowl, 3-2, GIGGITY, Lubbock>Pittsburgh, marijuana jokes in Gainesville, Athens Police, NDNation, TAMMY, Craig James, discussing ESS EEE SEE SPEED, Jim Delaney=Sam the Eagle jokes, Tom Hammond .gifs, Kellen Winslow crashing a jet ski, Cliff Harris smoking ALL THE WEED, Ellis T. Jones III, All In team robbery drills in Auburn, pistol whipping, /sues towel, Pam Ward not knowing what down it is, The NCAA compliance Mossad Death Squad, the NCAA Compliance kindergarten teachers, and god knows what else.
  24. My Penultimate Piece of Advice: YOU KNOW NOTHING. The other commenters know nothing (Except Jon Morse), The Author knows nothing, Joe Schad knows nothing, Dan Wetzel knows nothing, Kirk Herbstreit knows nothing, NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING! Remember what I said before about sacred cows? The same thing applies here. If there is anything I can say about this blog after one year of lurking, and then another year of posting, it is that there is an underlying theme on this blog, which is that THERE ARE NO EXPERTS. That is not to say that Kirk Herbstreit doesn't know how to read a defense, he was a D-1A QB for Ohio State. That is not to say Joe Schad doesn't know how to investigate, he may be terrible now and work for the WWL, but there is a reason he got that job. The point is, there is no end all, be all. No one has the definitive answer, because everything always is and always will be a variable. There are no constants. Just look at fucking Oklahoma, there is not a single prognosticator in this country who could predict, know, or definitively say that they would fall flat on their face THAT MANY TIMES in the national spotlight. That whole philosophy carries over to this blog. We argue, we provide evidence, we have our opinions and our own analysis that we share with each other and debate in a common forum here. However, if there is one thing we all have in common, it is that we all know that no matter how sure, how inarguable a point, despite how much evidence we have on our side, we know this: everything is just theory. This, I think is the one biggest reason we all come here, and we have a great lead example. For all the time I have read his stories, his analysis, his commentary, and his writing, there is one reason above all others that I value Spencer Hall as a College Football writer above all others: he never claims to be an expert, or know anything more than the next guy.


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