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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/15/2011

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ATHENS LIFE STRIKES AGAIN. Please remember the rules: in Florida trouble comes with a faint whiff of marijuana, in Baton Rouge it usually involves a casino, and in Athens it comes with something stupid involving a vehicle. (RIP Mudcat Elmore's possessed car.) In this case it's the Reverend Ray Drew injuring himself on a moped coming home from church Sunday. LET'S BAN ALL THE MOPEDS <---stupid people who are terrible at making rules. 

Iowa's Josh Koeppel says you should shake it off, man.

The exact extent of Drew's injuries is unknown outside of "um shoulder something" and "we ain't saying anything, y'all."

AND NOW A KEYNOTE SPEECH FROM OUR CEO CRASSUS. We remain in awe at the next level shit ESPN has played in college football, particularly in the advanced insurance fraud scheme they've built into the very structure of the Big 12. Lehman Brothers takes note of your advanced skullduggery, and applauds. That is the analytical side of things; Thujone has the satirical side down, though if you watched True Blood last night and are shameless enough to admit it, the Aggies are Jessica getting her invitation repeatedly rescinded and flying out of houses crying. (She's on the doorstep, but not for long.)

Another excellent translation comes via Georgia Sports Blog, while Dan Shanoff's completely barking mad idea is for the SEC to just become college football as we know it. (For many states it already is, so status quo ante bellum, as far as the states of the SEC go. Man, that's a queasy historical phrase to use here.) Watch Deloss Dodds talk very frankly about their television deals, and pat yourself on the back along with everyone else for seeing this coming a mile away.

THEY'RE BACK (AGAIN) (NO WE MEAN IT THIS TIME.) We remain endlessly suspicious of anyone selling a conspiracy theory in South Florida, and that is because they are most likely telling the truth and stand a very good chance of being found by some old man fishin'. Miami will still get a visit from the NCAA this week to explain shady-ass booster Nevin Shapiro's contact with Miami football players. Shapiro has plenty of time to tell whatever tales he wants to tell: he's recently been sentenced to 20 years in prison for his role in a harebrained grocery wholesaling scam not too dissimilar to the one that ensnared Jim Donnan, but on a way bigger scale. Like, $930 million worth of Ponzification, to be specific.

TREY BURTON'S CREDENTIALS ARE UNLIMITED. He's definitely going to do something in the offense. Mark it down! Something!


MMMMMM STRATEGERY.  Jack Elway and Dennis Erickson really are underrated in terms of coaching innovation, and a quick read of Chris Brown's piece on the one-back offense will be more than enough to have you wanting a seat at the annual two day football geek convention that is the One Back Coaching Seminar. (Leach, Sumlin, Holgorsen, et al: serious bidness.) On the other side of the coin, Shakin' the Southland says nothing stupid about the 3-4, and given what most people actually know about the scheme that's beyond impressive.

PLEASE SAY DOOLEY QUOTED THE BIT ABOUT DYING IN A WOMAN'S LAP. He didn't, but please note that with Dooley's random quote machine, Les Miles' madness, Will Muschamp's grumpy good ol' boyness, and Houston Dale Nutt and Spurrier still in fine form, the character produce in the SEC is fresh, quotable, and ample raw material for a decade's worth of blogging.

WHOA FOODS ARE THE BEST FOODS. There's something so sad about a lineman being told he can't eat bacon.

DREW BREES WILL BEAT YOU EVEN AFTER THROWING A ZILLION INTERCEPTIONS. Fine nostalgia from Football Study Hall involving Kansas State and a very well-rendered fictional university.

ETC: Her father has already left the building. Hunter was very specific with his subject lines. That is the greatest groom's cake ever.