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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/7/2011

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AS LONG AS HE JUST DOES THIS AGAINST OTHER PEOPLE THAT'S FINE.

Janzen Jackson, now that you're back you're free to do that against everyone but us. We remember watching this and thinking "Man, Tennessee's defense is playing disciplined ball today. It's like they know the plays as they're happening!" And now, years later, we know the awful truth that yes, Tennessee's defense was brilliant under Monte Kiffin, but when you're matching wits against the witless it's a one-sided contest.

WE ADMIRE VIRGINIA TECH'S CONTINUED WILLINGNESS TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE PUBLICLY. You forget that Virginia Tech is really so close to the heart of Appalachia, and then you watch them do exactly what whip-tough rednecks do in barfights weekend after weekend: get up, dust themselves off, taste the blood on their hand, and then yell out "I AIN'T DONE YET, SHITFERBRAINS." Kudos for keeping it so real, and for continuing to schedule in a mansome fashion. We'll help you out of the sawdust every time.

THEY'LL JUST HAVE TO RELY ON THE UNKNOWN WALK-ON TRENT RICHARDSON. Dee Hart, Alabama freshman RB, tore his ACL and will be out for a long while, leaving Alabama with only like three world-class running backs. Hart sounds extremely motivated to avoid joining Nick Saban's rural doctors program:


"He's good, you know Dee," Smith told the Orlando Sentinel. "If that had to happen to any of our kids, that's who I'd rather it happened to because he has the right mindset. The trainer told him 'ok, you have surgery on Thursday and can start rehab next week' and Dee said 'What about Friday?'"

Saban: "Thursday, son. Thursday."

HOLGO SPEAKS. The more you listen to Dana Holgorsen, the more he sounds like a cross between Wooderson and Mike Leach, continually stretching while talking and peppering his speech with "Man" and "Yeaaahhhh." Listen to him now while he's still conversational, candid, and personable, since there is the chance that being a head coach will turn his speech into uncontroversial blandishment sometime in the next five seconds.

THIS IS BULLSHIT. Trolling for hits by suggesting the thousand year reign of Schnelly at FAU will end? FOR SHAME SIR. Dismissing this nonsense, the only really interesting bit of information in this article filled with LIES is that FAU will open their new stadium against Western Kentucky on October 15, and it better eventually be named Schnellenberger Field or there will be blood. (And bourbon.) (Mostly bourbon, to be honest.

DELANY FINED YOU FOR BEING TOO INTERESTING. The only possible explanation for Iowa and Northwestern getting $50K less than other Big Ten teams, though Iowa might have been fined for this video, and that would be acceptable.

KEEP IT UP BIG MAN. Eric LeGrand is moving his arms "little by little."

ETC GALORE:  He holds the record with 32 concealed handguns. The new Mastodon album will feature a song called "ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING," and we now have the workout song we have waited three decades for. Gamecock 2002 brings us the gif that represents half of the scenarios that have ever happened to us. And then he whispered "BAWSE." Fela Kuti done in 8-bit is so much better than we imagined. Learn to cook something that actually qualifies as food for a tailgate with And The Valley Shook's squad of cajun cookout commandos. (Remember, if you're from north of I-10, you can't cook worth a fuck, and that is fact not myth.) Evan Kilborn joins us in the Fanposts; continuing the Notre Dame theme, Brian Kelly encourages vandalism in young people. \m/