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Express-sized edition, as we're in transit this morning.

EPIC, BRAH.  Bryant Moniz's promo video for his Heisman campaign reminds you again of the sadly unexploited opportunities afforded Hawaii in recruiting pitches, and that Louisiana Tech is not very good at defending the passing game.

As we speak, Bryant Moniz is standing on a hilltop overlooking Honolulu, bathing in the lights of the slumbering city and holding the Hawaiian flag. Waiting. Watching. Protecting. (Later on, he'll go paddleboarding and stuff.)

THE WALLFLOWERS' VERSION OF HEROES, NOT BOWIE'S. The official name for the Nebraska/Iowa game will be THE HEROES GAME because the Big Ten is atrocious at naming things. There will be more on this later, but it is obvious that the heads of Bo Schembechler and Woody Hayes are dictating the branding for the Big Ten from jars.

THAT'S NOT BAD. We hope this is just Matt Barkley doing a pretty nicely consistent cartoon Irish accent for fun, and not the strange neurological side effect of getting the daylights beaten out of him last year. Oliver Sacks presents: The Quarterback Who Woke Up An Irishman.

IS LARRY SCOTT BATMAN? Yes, yes he is. And if he's really a super hero, maybe he can start throwing people off fire escapes at UCLA to change the way they do things.

WE'RE SURE THIS IS A SINCERE ERROR. Frankly, even if Cam had played for Florida all the way through his career,  we're all but certain his numbers would have suffered from Steve Addazio insisting on some brilliant way of "maximizing his talent." "We'll have him run the West Coast offense! That's the ticket!" 

GOODBYE BEAVER. And then he was gone, Shavodrick Beaver, over the horizon and back to his home den in Wichita Falls.

ROLL 48 HOUR METH BINGE TIDE. When it comes to making methamphetamine in a hotel room or building a football program, it really is all about the process.

ETC. Oh ow now I have a positive thing in my head ow ow damn you Secretlady. The bear is leaving before the Big Ten names him "COURAGE ELITENESS."