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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/25/2011

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MATT DANIELS LOVES TO FEEL THE RAIN IN THE SUMMERTIME, SAYS MATT DANIELS. The quote of all Media Days thus far comes from Duke safety Matt Daniels. It requires some accompaniment, so play this, and then read Matt Daniels letting you know just how Matt Daniels relaxes when being Matt Daniels and thinking about Matt Daniels gets to be a little too much for, you know, Matt Daniels.

"Matt Daniels loves to watch the rain. That might sound strange coming from such an aggressive, intense guy, but the rain soothes me. I actually go outside and relax. It gives me a chance to think about life and all the abilities and gifts God has blessed me with. It’s just a ‘me’ time, time to think about me for once. With football being so hectic and school and internships and trying to figure out all these different schemes and what someone’s going to do and trying to dictate offenses, Matt Daniels never has time for Matt Daniels. So when it rains, Matt Daniels goes outside and thinks about Matt Daniels."

Puppet Matt Daniels says : "Matt Daniels."

JOHN SWOFFORD WILL NOW BE INVESTIGATED BY THE NCAA FOR ACADEMIC FRAUD. For plagiarizing Mike Slive, mostly, though Swofford does seem to want to head out potential margin-cheating off at the pass by quantifying the "cost of attendance" in a manner unmentioned by the SEC commish.

ACC Media Days are, btw, an infinitely better deal for the media than SEC Media Days: free golf, an indulgent spread, an overnight stay at Pinehurst, and virtually unlimited time and ample access to coaches and players. In addition to trumping the SEC's potato chips and cattle calls with outright bribery, there is the chance to watch Tom O'Brien play golf. Who lays up to within a foot of the hole, then two putts intentionally to keep par because "You don't want to get greedy?" Tom O'Brien, that's who. One drawback: no guns I'M SORRY I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.

FURTHER MEDIA DAYSNESS: Big 12 also kicks off today, and that in no way should be uncomfortable at all. Hey, maybe Texas A&M will show up! Or maybe they won't! 

HENNY AND COKE MAKES SMILES AND FRIENDS. To be covered in detail in a Fulmer Cupdate, but yeah, Henny and Coke does put a man into contact with all kinds of new and exciting people. (Like the Gainesville Police.)

LET'S TALK ABOUT IMPORTANT GAMBLING THINGS. The one line that stands out as a real hedge here is Nebraska's 9.5 wins, especially if their offense continues to flail under the Pelini brothers' benign dictatorship. Nebraska is really facing an odd situation: either they're going to cut through the blue water of the Big Ten like a mongoose let loose in a 19th century Hawaiian jungle, or they're going to be eaten alive by a parity unfound in, say, the Big 12 North. Nine and a half wins is just Gamblor daring you to lose money.

GOING FOR TWO IS FOR THE DUMBS. Chris goes in on first-half two point conversions. On the pro for his argument against it: [NAME REDACTED] and Lane Kiffin are both fond of the move. Contra; Chip Kelly will take it like a fat man at the chip bowl if it's there in the first half. (Then again, our overall estimate of Kelly's IQ did take a hit with a handwritten note to Willie Lyles, so there is that.)

SPEAKING OF [NAME REDACTED] Would you like to be his boss? That's still entirely possible.

THiS GOES ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE FOR A REASON. Given the squad of compliance ninjas Alabama employs, we can't possibly see this adding up to anything, but it bears mention if only to mention that someone made a suit for Trent Richardson, and if he and Maurice Jones-Drew can find pants to cover their enormous thighs then anyone can find a decently tailored pair of trousers. This message brought to you by the EDSBS Council For Proper Pants: "Because whether you dress left or right, you should always dress right." 

MORE SPECTACULARLY DETAILED ANALYSIS. The offense may be replacing cogs of great import, but don't forget about the gaping holes on defense, too. They're the best! It reminds us of 2007 when Florida had large question marks on defense and a new quarterback, and then spent the year pouring gas on people while setting themselves on fire at the same time.  It is a delightful cycle, except when it isn't.

ETCETERA: We can buy Blood Mountain Manor, as it's literally within walking distance of our current house. The term "stormannsgalskap" may find heavy use in reference to certain coaches discussed on this blog. The Cheers theme is now ruined or enhanced forever, depending on your general attitudes toward cocaine, and we think you know we mean it is now perfect forever.