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SEC MEDIA DAYS: STONE COLD STEVE SPURRIER SAYS SO

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Fearless leader has entered the sixth circle of SEC Media Days wi-fi hell. As such, I'm filing this on his behalf. All wordsmithing is his own.

So this is how Steve Spurrier does Media Days, First, he opens by covering the good stuff--SEC East championship, solid season, achievements, blah blah blah--and then immediately mentions how bad the Gamecocks special teams were. He then says he'd like to win a game one day by blocking a punt, which both you and I know he is saying to be funny because Steve Spurrier would prefer to win games by 35 points or more, take a knee, and then celebrate by teeing off straight from the sideline in the direction of the nearest muni course. [Click clack.]

Then, when asked why he's been more patient with Stephen Garcia than he's ever been with any player, he says "I guess we can't kick him off for stupidity," and then uses the word several more times in discussing his potential starting quarterback. When asked about oversigning, Spurrier frankly discusses scholarships as a year-to-year contract, admits to oversigning, and then shoots a bottle rocket into the middle of the press section without looking or caring who it hits. (A sunburnt and emotionally scarred Pat Dooley falls to the ground holding his eye: "WHYYYYYYY STEEEEEVE--"

But as if the magnificent display of complete disregard for how anyone does anything else isn't fully obvious to everyone at this point, Spurrier is asked about Mike Slive's suggestion that scholarships in the SEC be honored as multi-year agreement. He pauses, cocks his head to the side, and then says "Mr. Commissioner, I think that would be a terrible idea," and then throws Mike Slive into the Spanish language announcer's table while pouring beers on him and shooting the middle finger to the crowd.

All in all, a satisfactory performance lacking only the sound of breaking glass and an ATV exit to to earn the full 10/10 on the Spurrier Ain't Curr-at-all Scale.