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WE HAVE PASSED THE FIRST MARKER. SEC Media Days' arrival this week means we have passed the great barrier (Phil Steele's publication) and are now reaching the first marker indicating passage through the Empty Quarter of the offseason and into preseason, alleluia, amen, shantih shantih shantih let Cthulhu and Dennis Erickson be praised. The full list of athletes speaking is here, and it does not include Alabama quarterback and aesthete AJ McCarron, who will instead be speaking at Pitchfork's "sports and other relevant activities" tent.


"I was at SEC Media Days when they had it on a plane with five sportswriters, ten bottles of bourbon, and Bear Bryant naked cleaning himself with steel wool and throwing empties out the back of the plane. It was so much more authentic then." 

Speaking of Alabama:  this might actually happen, and as required by federal law we present an Auburn-penned top ten most disgusting figures in college football list tweeted to us by Paul Finebaum. Finebaum is number one on the list. This is called feeding the possums. Stop feeding the possums if you don't want possums all over the place, possum lovers! They sell meth and operate elaborate roofing fraud rings. Only you can prevent possum infestations.

HE'S GETTING ALONG WELL WITH HIS CLASSMATES AND TOILETING WELL. Russell played well with the hobby horses, painted for much of the afternoon, and did require a change of clothes when he dropped a carton of milk on himself at afternoon snacktime. Please remember his parent-teacher conference on Thursday. Nice people bring sixers for Coach Bielema. Just sayin'.

OOOOOOHHH THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN.  Mike Haywood's lawyers will claim race was a factor in his firing, not him being arrested on a domestic battery charge. WHEEEEE.

IT'S THE TUNNEL SCREEN OF FINANCIAL INVESTMENTS. Jim Donnan's involvement in a Ponzi scheme is bizarre, and now that he's embargoed by lawyers cuts the list of "football coaches who will actually talk to" to one. Tommy Tuberville, Barry Switzer, and Frank Beamer are both burned investors in the scheme, which Tuberville sees as a deal gone wrong more than a con job. Donnan will likely lose his whole net worth and could face jail time if criminal charges are filed, and this sucks in a thousand different ways for all involved.

YET MORE FREEBRUCENESS. Rob Neyer describes his own suspension at ESPN. It's cool, he's over it eleven years later.

THE ANSWER IS YES. Jeff Tedford's playbook might be too complex, sure, but the inability to find and develop a quarterback since Aaron Rodgers departed--complex playbook or not--is the biggest mystery, and not dissimilar to Steve Spurrier's own longing quest for his next Wuerffel/Grossman.