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SOMEONE TRIED TO MENACE TRENT RICHARDSON. SOMEONE IS A FOOL.

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Trent Richardson's strength numbers are mind-boggling. He squats three thousand pounds, once benched Greenland with a fully frozen glacial load, and can hang clean the concept of justice, which in case you didn't know is like way heavy and stuff. Those are all official strength numbers, and no one can refute us because the Alabama strength coaches don't talk. 

We can only assume Richardson escaped harm in a hit-and-run accident in Tuscaloosa because of his quick reflexes, but in case the car actually made contact with him, this is what would have happened. Please be advised, Tuscaloosa residents: the assailant may or may not be a cat, but the car is probably completely on fire since hitting Trent Richardson with a car equals one ruined car and one very pissed off top-flight megarunning back/ amateur powerlifter. 

Catcar_medium

And that is exactly how it happened.

Holly assumes Harvey Updyke is to blame. The original report also mentions a "mencing" charge. This is either a misspelling of "menacing," which is impossible since no one is stupid enough to menace a walking bicep like Trent Richardson, or is "mencing," a "mincing menace" and a crime unique to the Alabama criminal code. Definition: "to intimidate while acting cartoonishly gay." Suddenly you're not surprised that this, like sex toys, is a crime in Alabama. (Richardson's fine by all reports.)